[Rhodes22-list] what about a joke athon, who can top this

Wed Sep 10 00:44:48 EDT 2008

Oh my, it's getting late and I'm getting delirious.  All this stink
about pigs and fish and lipstick is too much.  So now for something
completely different-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g&eurl=http://redstatechief.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/new-sarah-palin-smear/

Brad

On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 11:05 PM, Rik Sandberg <sanderico1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Ben,
>
>> The neurologist knows alot but doesn't do much.
>
>
> Been to one of those neurologists, I can vouch for that :-)
>
> Rik
>
> Ayn Rand was a prophet - - it isn't my fault
>
>
>
> Benjamin Cittadino wrote:
>> So what's the difference between a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, and a
>> neuropathologist.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The neurologist knows alot but doesn't do much.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The neurosurgeon does alot but doesn't know much.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The nuropathologist knows everything but too late to help anyone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> (Malpractice lawyer's joke) Sorry....I guess you had to be there.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Ben C, s/v susan kay, highlands, nj
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Brad Haslett-2 wrote:
>>
>>> Hank,
>>>
>>> The firewall shutoff valve on the Bo is broken/missing - all it
>>> consists of is a plate on a piano hinge but it is located in a small
>>> box with poor access.  I've been wrestling with it for a few days
>>> using mirrors and flashlights.  One of my hangar neighbors is a
>>> retired dentist who is always offering help.  I called him over a few
>>> days ago and said, "Doc, I've got a job that could use a man with your
>>> talents".  He took one look at the situation and replied, "good luck
>>> Son, I'm retired".
>>>
>>> Brad
>>>
>>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 8:27 PM, Hank <hnw555 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Brad,
>>>>
>>>> I can afford to do the jobs myself since I'm retired army and your taxes
>>>> are
>>>> paying my medical bills,
>>>>
>>>> Thanks,
>>>>
>>>> Hank
>>>>
>>>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 8:50 PM, Brad Haslett <flybrad at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> MJM,
>>>>>
>>>>> Too funny!  Whoever wrote the definitions of tools was obviously an
>>>>> aircraft homebuilder. I broke the little finger on my left hand last
>>>>> spring working on my airplane, the only digit on either hand that
>>>>> hadn't previously been broken using a Milwaukee 90 degree electric
>>>>> drill with what I determined to be a faulty switch.  I called
>>>>> Milwaukee the next day and explained what happened, how it happened,
>>>>> and what the problem with their product was - explained that I didn't
>>>>> want any money, just wanted to give them a heads-up call.  I got
>>>>> "yada, yada, yada, that's the first we've ever heard of this issue".
>>>>> The product was off the shelf nationwide within a week.
>>>>>
>>>>> It takes a couple of decades to figure this out, but it is cheaper to
>>>>> pay the professionals to do a lot of different jobs than it is to pay
>>>>> the medical bills.  As my brother says, "you can't beat a man at his
>>>>> own craft".
>>>>>
>>>>> Brad
>>>>>
>>>>> On Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 7:18 PM, michael meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
>>>>>> buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief Coming right up.' He gets the Indian a
>>>>>>
>>>>> tall
>>>>>
>>>>>> mug of coffee.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the
>>>>>>
>>>>> buffalo
>>>>>
>>>>>> with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
>>>>>>
>>>>> and
>>>>>
>>>>>> then just walks out.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand,
>>>>>>
>>>>> pulling
>>>>>
>>>>>> another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and
>>>>>>
>>>>> says
>>>>> to
>>>>>
>>>>>> the waiter 'Want coffee.'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
>>>>>> yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Training for position in United
>>>>>>
>>>>> States
>>>>>
>>>>>> Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others
>>>>>>
>>>>> to
>>>>>
>>>>>> clean up, disappear for rest of day.'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Common tools explained:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> DRILL PRESS:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
>>>>>>
>>>>> stock
>>>>>
>>>>>> out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
>>>>>>
>>>>> beer
>>>>>
>>>>>> across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which
>>>>>>
>>>>> you
>>>>>
>>>>>> had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> WIRE WHEEL:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
>>>>>>
>>>>> workbench
>>>>>
>>>>>> with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned
>>>>>>
>>>>> calluses
>>>>>
>>>>>> from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh shit!"
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of
>>>>>>
>>>>> old
>>>>>
>>>>>> age.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> SKILL SAW:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> PLIERS:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Tool used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
>>>>>> blood-blisters.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> BELT SANDER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs
>>>>>>
>>>>> into
>>>>>
>>>>>> major refinishing jobs.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> HACKSAW:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.
>>>>>>
>>>>> It
>>>>>
>>>>>> transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
>>>>>>
>>>>> more
>>>>>
>>>>>> you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
>>>>>>
>>>>> becomes.
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> VISE-GRIPS:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
>>>>>>
>>>>> nothing
>>>>>
>>>>>> else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
>>>>>>
>>>>> heat
>>>>> to
>>>>>
>>>>>> the palm of your hand.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> WELDING GLOVES:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense
>>>>>>
>>>>> Welding-
>>>>>
>>>>>> heat to the palm of your hand.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your
>>>>>>
>>>>> shop
>>>>> on
>>>>>
>>>>>> fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want
>>>>>>
>>>>> the
>>>>>
>>>>>> bearing race out of.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> TABLE SAW:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
>>>>>>
>>>>> for
>>>>>
>>>>>> testing wall integrity.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed
>>>>>>
>>>>> your
>>>>>
>>>>>> new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack
>>>>>> handle.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off
>>>>>>
>>>>> in
>>>>>
>>>>>> bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> BAND SAW:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good
>>>>>> aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
>>>>>>
>>>>> can
>>>>>
>>>>>> after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you
>>>>>>
>>>>> forgot
>>>>> to
>>>>>
>>>>>> disconnect.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined
>>>>>> screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> See hacksaw.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening
>>>>>>
>>>>> old-style
>>>>>
>>>>>> paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also
>>>>>>
>>>>> be
>>>>>
>>>>>> used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common
>>>>>>
>>>>> slotted
>>>>>
>>>>>> screws into non-removable screws.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> PRY BAR:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you
>>>>>>
>>>>> needed
>>>>>
>>>>>> to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> HOSE CUTTER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> A tool used to make hoses too short.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> HAMMER:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as
>>>>>>
>>>>> a
>>>>>
>>>>>> kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to
>>>>>>
>>>>> the
>>>>>
>>>>>> object we are trying to hit.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
>>>>>>
>>>>> delivered
>>>>>
>>>>>> to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats,
>>>>>>
>>>>> vinyl
>>>>>
>>>>>> records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector  magazines, refund
>>>>>>
>>>>> checks,
>>>>>
>>>>>> and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
>>>>>>
>>>>> clothes,
>>>>> but
>>>>>
>>>>>> only while in use.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> DAMMIT TOOL:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling
>>>>>> "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
>>>>>>
>>>>> tool
>>>>>
>>>>>> that you will need.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing list go to
>>>>>>
>>>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>>>
>>>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>> __________________________________________________
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>>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>
>>
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