[Rhodes22-list] Political Rallies (joke?)

Brad Haslett flybrad at gmail.com
Tue Sep 30 12:01:59 EDT 2008 

Rik,

This just came in-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hSnEMV58F8

Brad

On Tue, Sep 30, 2008 at 10:29 AM, Rik Sandberg <sanderico1 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Short and to the point!
>
>
> On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama
> holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he
> only draws 10-15,000.
>
> The Republican spokesman replied, 'That's because McCain's supporters
> are at work.'
>
> Rik
>
> Will Rogers often said, "There's nothing quite like money in the bank." He went on to say, "I'm not so concerned about the return on my money as I am about the return of my money."
>
>
>
> elle wrote:
>> <groan> <laugh>
>>
>> Good ones, Slim...
>>
>> elle
>>
>> We can't change the angle of the wind....but we can adjust our sails.
>>
>> 1992 Rhodes 22   Recyc '06  "WaterMusic"   (Lady in Red)
>>
>>
>> --- On Tue, 9/30/08, Steven Alm <stevenalm at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>> From: Steven Alm <stevenalm at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] jokes
>>> To: "The Rhodes 22 Email List" <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
>>> Date: Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 2:11 AM
>>> Three Englishmen riding on a train, all three are
>>> hard-of-hearing.  The
>>> train comes to a stop and the first one asks, "Is this
>>> Wimsley?"
>>>
>>> Second one says, "No, I think it's Thursday."
>>>
>>> Third ones says, "So am I.  Let's have a
>>> drink!"
>>>
>>> ----------------------
>>>
>>> A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I
>>> can't get the song "Delilia'
>>> out of my head."
>>>
>>> The doctor said, "Hmmm, you have 'Tom Jones
>>> Syndrome.' "
>>>
>>> "Is that rare?" the man asked.
>>>
>>> The doc replied, "It's not unusual."
>>>
>>> -------------------------
>>>
>>> Elle, here's one for the English teacher in you:
>>>
>>> Four English professors were walking home after attending a
>>> lecture on
>>> Shakespearean rhetoric when they came across a group of,
>>> shall we say
>>> professional women on the street corner.  They began to
>>> discuss how
>>> Shakespeare would describe them.
>>>
>>> The first and youngest professor suggested that Shakespeare
>>> would have
>>> called them a "jam of tarts."
>>>
>>> The next senior professor said he thought Shakespeare would
>>> have called them
>>> a "flourish of strumpets."
>>>
>>> The next said "an essay of Trollop's."
>>>
>>> Then the oldest and most erudite professor said without
>>> pause that
>>> Shakespeare would most probably have called them simply
>>> "an anthology of
>>> pros."
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------
>>>
>>> On Mon, Sep 29, 2008 at 9:55 PM, Herb Parsons
>>> <hparsons at parsonsys.com>wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>> Oh my my, you MUST read it. It's really not SF
>>>>
>>> (sci-fi??? No, the term
>>>
>>>> in SF), it's about human nature in a SF setting.
>>>>
>>> You'll enjoy it.
>>>
>>>> I'll bet my good reputation with you on it...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> elle wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> No.....I just Googled it & it sounds like
>>>>>
>>> somethhing that would be to my
>>>
>>>> liking.. I don't usually like sci-fi, but I do
>>>>
>>> like Asimov & Bradbury.
>>>
>>>>> elle
>>>>>
>>>>> We can't change the angle of the wind....but
>>>>>
>>> we can adjust our sails.
>>>
>>>>> 1992 Rhodes 22   Recyc '06
>>>>>
>>> "WaterMusic"   (Lady in Red)
>>>
>>>>> --- On Mon, 9/29/08, Herb Parsons
>>>>>
>>> <hparsons at parsonsys.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> From: Herb Parsons
>>>>>>
>>> <hparsons at parsonsys.com>
>>>
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] jokes
>>>>>> To: "The Rhodes 22 Email List"
>>>>>>
>>> <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
>>>
>>>>>> Date: Monday, September 29, 2008, 10:06 PM
>>>>>> Have you ever read the short story
>>>>>>
>>> "Jokester" by
>>>
>>>>>> Isaac Asimov?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> elle wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Brad,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Thank you for the best five minutes of
>>>>>>>
>>> the day, week,
>>>
>>>>>> and month.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Ya have to have a sideways look at life
>>>>>>>
>>> to appreciate
>>>
>>>>>> a good pun....a really good one has the
>>>>>>
>>> 'time -delay
>>>
>>>>>> ' factor:  a blank look followed by the
>>>>>>
>>> 'aha!...
>>>
>>>>>> That's funnier than the pun. LOVE
>>>>>>
>>> 'em,! and I have
>>>
>>>>>> to thank my dad, who was an inveterate
>>>>>>
>>> punster. I once asked
>>>
>>>>>> him for a rubber band; he replied that he had
>>>>>>
>>> none there but
>>>
>>>>>> had a steel orchestra in the garage.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Here are more:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> 1.Ever since my friend had all the digits
>>>>>>>
>>> amputated
>>>
>>>>>> from his feet, I find him very annoying.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I think I might be lack-toes intolerant.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> 2. I used to think I was indecisive, but
>>>>>>>
>>> now I'm
>>>
>>>>>> not so sure...
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> 3. For some people the only puns they
>>>>>>>
>>> make are about
>>>
>>>>>> dairy products, because the rest are just too
>>>>>>
>>> cheesy. When
>>>
>>>>>> they think of one, they tend to milk it for
>>>>>>
>>> all it's
>>>
>>>>>> worth. Usually I don't think they're
>>>>>>
>>> gouda enough,
>>>
>>>>>> but we could find a whey to cream off the
>>>>>>
>>> best ones.
>>>
>>>>>>> I cheddar to think what they'll come
>>>>>>>
>>> out with
>>>
>>>>>> next.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> If you want a real challenge, try
>>>>>>>
>>> explaining a
>>>
>>>>>> 400-year-old pun from Shakespeare to a 9th
>>>>>>
>>> grader...
>>>
>>>>>>> ;^)
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> elle
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> We can't change the angle of the
>>>>>>>
>>> wind....but we
>>>
>>>>>> can adjust our sails.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> 1992 Rhodes 22   Recyc '06
>>>>>>>
>>> "WaterMusic"
>>>
>>>>>>   (Lady in Red)
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> --- On Mon, 9/29/08, Brad Haslett
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> <flybrad at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> From: Brad Haslett
>>>>>>>>
>>> <flybrad at gmail.com>
>>>
>>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] jokes
>>>>>>>> To: "The Rhodes 22 Email
>>>>>>>>
>>> List"
>>>
>>>>>> <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Date: Monday, September 29, 2008,
>>>>>>>>
>>> 12:18 PM
>>>
>>>>>>>> This just in from my old HS guidance
>>>>>>>>
>>> counselor
>>>
>>>>>> (who mostly
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> said during
>>>>>>>> that period, "I know
>>>>>>>>
>>> nothing").  I hate
>>>
>>>>>> to get on
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> a soapbox and then
>>>>>>>> run, but the "Elles" and
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Gregs" in the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> world are so rare and so
>>>>>>>> special when you find them that you
>>>>>>>>
>>> just have to
>>>
>>>>>> brag!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> -----------------------
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Here are the top 10 winners in the
>>>>>>>>
>>> International
>>>
>>>>>> Pun
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Contest.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 1. A vulture boards an airplane,
>>>>>>>>
>>> carrying two dead
>>>
>>>>>>>> raccoons. The
>>>>>>>> Stewardess looks at him and says,
>>>>>>>>
>>> 'I'm
>>>
>>>>>> sorry, sir,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> only one carrion
>>>>>>>> allowed per passenger.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete
>>>>>>>>
>>> wall. The one
>>>
>>>>>> turns to the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> other and
>>>>>>>> says, 'Dam!'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>  3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
>>>>>>>>
>>> were chilly, so
>>>
>>>>>> they lit
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> a fire in
>>>>>>>> the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank,
>>>>>>>>
>>> proving once
>>>
>>>>>> again that
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> you can't
>>>>>>>> have your kayak and heat it, too.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>  4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One
>>>>>>>>
>>> says,
>>>
>>>>>> 'I've lost
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> my electron.' The
>>>>>>>> other says, 'Are you sure?'
>>>>>>>>
>>> The first
>>>
>>>>>>>> replies,'Yes, I'm
>>>>>>>>
>>> positive.'
>>>
>>>>>>>>  5. Did you hear about the Buddhist
>>>>>>>>
>>> who refused
>>>
>>>>>> Novocain
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> during a root canal?
>>>>>>>> His goal: transcend dental
>>>>>>>>
>>> medication.
>>>
>>>>>>>>  6. A group of chess enthusiasts
>>>>>>>>
>>> checked into a
>>>
>>>>>> hotel and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> were
>>>>>>>> standing in the lobby discussing
>>>>>>>>
>>> their recent
>>>
>>>>>> tournament
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> victories.
>>>>>>>> After about an hour, the manager came
>>>>>>>>
>>> out of the
>>>
>>>>>> office and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> asked them
>>>>>>>> to disperse. But why they asked, as
>>>>>>>>
>>> they moved
>>>
>>>>>>>> off.'Because,' he said,
>>>>>>>> 'I can't stand chess-nuts
>>>>>>>>
>>> boasting in an
>>>
>>>>>> open
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> foyer.'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>  7. A woman has twins and gives them
>>>>>>>>
>>> up for
>>>
>>>>>> adoption. One
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> of them goes
>>>>>>>> to a family in Egypt and is named
>>>>>>>>
>>> Ahmal. The other
>>>
>>>>>> goes to
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> a family in
>>>>>>>> Spain ; they name him Juan. Years
>>>>>>>>
>>> later, Juan
>>>
>>>>>> sends a
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> picture of
>>>>>>>> himself to his birth mother. Upon
>>>>>>>>
>>> receiving the
>>>
>>>>>> picture,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> she tells her
>>>>>>>> husband that she wishes she also had
>>>>>>>>
>>> a picture of
>>>
>>>>>> Ahmal.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Her husband
>>>>>>>> responds, 'They're twins! If
>>>>>>>>
>>> you've
>>>
>>>>>> seen Juan,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> you've seen Ahmal.'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 8. A group of friars were behind on
>>>>>>>>
>>> their belfry
>>>
>>>>>> payments,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> so they
>>>>>>>> opened a small florist shop to raise
>>>>>>>>
>>> funds. Since
>>>
>>>>>> everyone
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> liked to
>>>>>>>> buy flowers from the men of God, a
>>>>>>>>
>>> rival florist
>>>
>>>>>> across
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> town thought
>>>>>>>> the competition was unfair. He asked
>>>>>>>>
>>> the good
>>>
>>>>>> fathers to
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> close down,
>>>>>>>> but they would not. He went back and
>>>>>>>>
>>> begged the
>>>
>>>>>> friars to
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> close. They
>>>>>>>> ignored him.
>>>>>>>> So, the rival florist hired Hugh
>>>>>>>>
>>> MacTaggart, the
>>>
>>>>>> roughest
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> and most
>>>>>>>> vicious thug in town to
>>>>>>>>
>>> 'persuade' them to
>>>
>>>>>> close.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Hugh beat up the
>>>>>>>> friars and trashed their store,
>>>>>>>>
>>> saying he'd be
>>>
>>>>>> back if
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> they didn't
>>>>>>>> close up shop. Terrified, they did
>>>>>>>>
>>> so, thereby
>>>
>>>>>> proving that
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> only Hugh
>>>>>>>> can prevent florist friars.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,
>>>>>>>>
>>> walked barefoot
>>>
>>>>>> most of the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> time,
>>>>>>>> which produced an impressive set of
>>>>>>>>
>>> calluses on
>>>
>>>>>> his feet.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> He also ate
>>>>>>>> very little, which made him rather
>>>>>>>>
>>> frail and, with
>>>
>>>>>> his odd
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> diet, he
>>>>>>>> suffered from bad breath. This made
>>>>>>>>
>>> him (Oh, man,
>>>
>>>>>> this is
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> SO BAD, it's
>>>>>>>> good) a super calloused fragile
>>>>>>>>
>>> mystic hexed by
>>>
>>>>>> halitosis.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 10. And, finally, there was the
>>>>>>>>
>>> person who sent
>>>
>>>>>> ten
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> different puns to
>>>>>>>> friends, with the hope that at least
>>>>>>>>
>>> one of the
>>>
>>>>>> puns would
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> make them
>>>>>>>> laugh. No pun in ten did.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On Sat, Sep 27, 2008 at 5:06 PM,
>>>>>>>>
>>> michael meltzer
>>>
>>>>>>>> <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> When I got home last night, my
>>>>>>>>>
>>> wife demanded
>>>
>>>>>> that I
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> take her someplace
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> expensive....
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> So, I took her to a gas station.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started....
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> ************************************************************************
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> After retiring, I went to the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> Social Security
>>>
>>>>>> office
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> to apply for Social
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Security. The woman behind the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> counter asked
>>>
>>>>>> me for my
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> driver's license to
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> verify my age. I looked in my
>>>>>>>>>
>>> pockets and
>>>
>>>>>> realized I
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> had left my wallet at
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> home.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I told the woman that I was very
>>>>>>>>>
>>> sorry, but I
>>>
>>>>>> would
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> have to go home and come
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> back later. The woman said,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> 'Unbutton your
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> shirt'. So I opened my shirt
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> revealing my curly silver hair.
>>>>>>>>>
>>> She said,
>>>
>>>>>> 'That
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> silver hair on your chest is
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> proof enough for me' and she
>>>>>>>>>
>>> processed my
>>>
>>>>>> Social
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Security application.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> When I got home, I excitedly told
>>>>>>>>>
>>> my wife
>>>
>>>>>> about my
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> experience at the Social
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Security office.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> She said, 'You should have
>>>>>>>>>
>>> dropped your
>>>
>>>>>> pants. You
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> might have gotten
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> disability, too'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started.....
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> ***********************************************************************
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> My wife and I were sitting at a
>>>>>>>>>
>>> table at my
>>>
>>>>>> high
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> school reunion, and I kept
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> staring at a drunken lady
>>>>>>>>>
>>> swigging her drink
>>>
>>>>>> as she
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> sat alone at a nearby
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> table.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> My wife asked, 'Do you know
>>>>>>>>>
>>> her?'
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Yes,' I sighed,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> 'She's my old
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> girlfriend. I understand she took to
>>>>>>>>
>>> drinking
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> right after we split up those
>>>>>>>>>
>>> many years ago,
>>>
>>>>>> and I
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> hear she hasn't been
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> sober since'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'My God!' says my wife,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> 'Who would
>>>
>>>>>> think a
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> person could go on celebrating
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> that long?'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started......
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> ***********************************************************************
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I rear-ended a car this morning.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> So, there we were alongside the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> road and
>>>
>>>>>> slowly the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> other driver got out of
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> his car. You know how sometimes
>>>>>>>>>
>>> you just get
>>>
>>>>>> soooo
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> stressed and little
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> things just seem funny? Yeah,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> well I
>>>
>>>>>> couldn't
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> believe it.... He was a
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> DWARF!!!
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> He stormed over to my car, looked
>>>>>>>>>
>>> up at me,
>>>
>>>>>> and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> So, I looked down at him and
>>>>>>>>>
>>> said, 'Well,
>>>
>>>>>> then
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> which one are you?'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started.......
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> ***********************************************************************
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I tried to talk my wife into
>>>>>>>>>
>>> buying a case of
>>>
>>>>>> Miller
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Light for $14.95.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Instead, she bought a jar of cold
>>>>>>>>>
>>> cream for
>>>
>>>>>> $7.95. I
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> told her the beer would
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> make her look better at night
>>>>>>>>>
>>> than the cold
>>>
>>>>>> cream.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started.....
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> ************************************************************************
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I took my wife to a restaurant.
>>>>>>>>>
>>> The waiter,
>>>
>>>>>> for some
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> reason, took my order
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> first.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> "I'll have the strip
>>>>>>>>>
>>> steak, medium
>>>
>>>>>> rare,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> please."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> He said, "Aren't you
>>>>>>>>>
>>> worried about
>>>
>>>>>> the mad
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> cow?"
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> "Nah, she can order for
>>>>>>>>>
>>> herself."
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> And that's how the fight
>>>>>>>>>
>>> started..
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> A duck walks into a pub and
>>>>>>>>>
>>> orders a pint of
>>>
>>>>>> beer and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> a ham sandwich.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The barman looks at him and says,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> 'Hang
>>>
>>>>>> on!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> You're a duck.'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'I see your eyes are
>>>>>>>>>
>>> working,' replies
>>>
>>>>>> the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> duck.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'And you can talk!'
>>>>>>>>>
>>> exclaims the
>>>
>>>>>> barman.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'I see your ears are working,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> too,'
>>>
>>>>>> says the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> duck. 'Now if you don't mind,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> can I have my beer and my
>>>>>>>>>
>>> sandwich
>>>
>>>>>> please?'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Certainly, sorry about
>>>>>>>>>
>>> that,' says
>>>
>>>>>> the barman
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> as he pulls the duck's pint.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'It's just we don't
>>>>>>>>>
>>> get many ducks
>>>
>>>>>> in this
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> pub. What are you doing round
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> this way?'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'I'm working on the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> building site
>>>
>>>>>> across the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> road,' explains the duck.
>>>>>>>>
>>> 'I'm
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> a plasterer.'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The flabbergasted barman cannot
>>>>>>>>>
>>> believe the
>>>
>>>>>> duck and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> wants to learn more,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> but takes the hint when the duck
>>>>>>>>>
>>> pulls out a
>>>
>>>>>> newspaper
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> from his bag and
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> proceeds to read it.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> So, the duck reads his paper,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> drinks his beer,
>>>
>>>>>> eats
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> his sandwich, bids the
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> barman good day and leaves.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The same thing happens for two
>>>>>>>>>
>>> weeks.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Then one day the circus comes to
>>>>>>>>>
>>> town.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The ringmaster comes into the pub
>>>>>>>>>
>>> for a pint
>>>
>>>>>> and the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> barman says to him
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'You're with the circus,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> aren't
>>>
>>>>>> you? Well,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I know this duck that could be
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> just brilliant in your circus. He
>>>>>>>>>
>>> talks,
>>>
>>>>>> drinks beer,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> eats sandwiches, reads
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> the newspaper and
>>>>>>>>>
>>> everything!'
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Sounds marvelous,' says
>>>>>>>>>
>>> the
>>>
>>>>>> ringmaster,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> handing over his business card.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Get him to give me a
>>>>>>>>>
>>> call.'
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> So the next day when the duck
>>>>>>>>>
>>> comes into the
>>>
>>>>>> pub the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> barman says, 'Hey Mr.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Duck, I reckon I can line you up
>>>>>>>>>
>>> with a top
>>>
>>>>>> job,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> paying really good money.'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'I'm always looking for
>>>>>>>>>
>>> the next
>>>
>>>>>> job,'
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> says the duck. 'Where is it?'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'At the circus,' says the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> barman.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'The circus?' repeats the
>>>>>>>>>
>>> duck.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'That's right,'
>>>>>>>>>
>>> replies the
>>>
>>>>>> barman.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'The circus?' the duck
>>>>>>>>>
>>> asks again.
>>>
>>>>>> 'That
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> place with the big tent?'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Yeah,' the barman
>>>>>>>>>
>>> replies.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'With all the animals who
>>>>>>>>>
>>> live in cages,
>>>
>>>>>> and
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> performers who live in
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> caravans?' says the duck.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Of course,' the barman
>>>>>>>>>
>>> replies.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'And the tent has canvas
>>>>>>>>>
>>> sides and a big
>>>
>>>>>> canvas
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> roof with a hole in the
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> middle?' persists the duck.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'That's right!' says
>>>>>>>>>
>>> the barman.
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The duck shakes his head in
>>>>>>>>>
>>> amazement, and
>>>
>>>>>> says
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> 'What the f#ck would they
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> want with a plasterer?'
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> One evening a husband, thinking
>>>>>>>>>
>>> he was being
>>>
>>>>>> funny,
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> said to his wife,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Perhaps we should start
>>>>>>>>>
>>> washing your
>>>
>>>>>> clothes in
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Slim Fast.- maybe it would
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> take a few inches off of your
>>>>>>>>>
>>> butt!!'
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> His wife was not amused, and
>>>>>>>>>
>>> decided that she
>>>
>>>>>> simply
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> couldn't let such a
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> comment go un rewarded.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The next morning the husband took
>>>>>>>>>
>>> a pair of
>>>
>>>>>> underwear
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> out of his drawer.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'What the heck is this?'
>>>>>>>>>
>>> he said to
>>>
>>>>>> himself as
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> a little 'dust' cloud
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> appeared when he shook them out.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>> 'April,' he
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> hollered into the bathroom,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> 'Why did you put talcum
>>>>>>>>>
>>> powder in my
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> underwear?'
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> She replied with a snicker,
>>>>>>>>>
>>> 'It's not
>>>
>>>>>> talcum
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> powder ... it's Miracle
>>>>>>>>
>>> Grow.'
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for
>>>>>>>>>
>>> help with
>>>
>>>>>> using the
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> mailing list go to
>>>>>>>>
>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help
>>>>>>>>
>>> with using
>>>
>>>>>> the mailing
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> list go to
>>>>>>>>
>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with
>>>>>>>
>>> using the
>>>
>>>>>> mailing list go to
>>>>>>
>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with
>>>>>>
>>> using the mailing
>>>
>>>>>> list go to http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using
>>>>>
>>> the mailing list go to
>>>
>>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the
>>>>
>>> mailing list go to
>>>
>>>> http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>>> __________________________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>> __________________________________________________
>>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing
>>> list go to http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>>> __________________________________________________
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> __________________________________________________
>> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing list go to http://www.rhodes22.org/list
>> __________________________________________________
>>
>>
> __________________________________________________
> To subscribe/unsubscribe or for help with using the mailing list go to http://www.rhodes22.org/list
> __________________________________________________
>

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