[Rhodes22-list] jokes
Michael Meltzer
rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Thu, 1 Aug 2002 16:27:03 -0400
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BEAUTY
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
--
FAULTS
The greatest of all faults
is to be conscious of none.
- Thomas Carlyle
--
PROGRESS
Progress, far from consisting in change,
depends on retentiveness.
Those who cannot remember the past
are condemned to repeat it.
- George Santayana
--
SUCCESS
Success is that old ABC --
ability, breaks, and courage.
- Charles Luckman
--
"So, Your Honor, the Pledge is unconstitutional because it
says 'Under God'. Guess that means when you were sworn in
with your hand on a Bible, and at the end of your oath
repeated, 'So Help Me God' that makes your job
unconstitutional! Therefore you have no job, which means
your ruling doesn't mean a damn thing."
--Dennis Miller
- submitted by Rob Brucato
--
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York. One sat in
the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled
his toes and was settling in when the Arab in
the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a drink."
"No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's
shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the
other Arab said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one."
Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it and
while he was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe
and spat in it. When the American returned to his seat, they
all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet
into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "Why
does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long
must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This
hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing
in drinks?"
- submitted by John Redfield
--
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
--Richard Blalock
--
On September 11, 2001 thousands of people lost their lives
in a brutal assault on the American people and the American
form of government. We mourn the loss of these innocent
lives and insist that those who perpetrated these acts be
held accountable.
This tragedy requires all Americans to examine carefully the
steps our country may now take to reduce the risk of future
terrorist attacks.
We need to consider proposals calmly and deliberately with a
determination not to erode the liberties and freedoms that
are at the core of the American way of life.
We need to ensure that actions by our government uphold the
principles of a democratic society, accountable government
and international law, and that all decisions are taken in a
manner consistent with the Constitution.
We can, as we have in the past, in times of war and of
peace, reconcile the requirements of security with the
demands of liberty.
We should resist the temptation to enact proposals in the
mistaken belief that anything that may be called
anti-terrorist will necessarily provide greater security.
We should resist efforts to target people because of their
race, religion, ethnic background or appearance, including
immigrants in general, Arab Americans and Muslims.
We affirm the right of peaceful dissent, protected by the
First Amendment, now, when it is most at risk.
We should applaud our political leaders in the days ahead
who have the courage to say that our freedoms should not be
limited.
We must have faith in our democratic system and our
Constitution, and in our ability to protect at the same time
both the freedom and the security of all Americans.
-submitted by Jay Pocius
--
This is a genuine psychological test. It is a story about a
girl. Whilst at the funeral of her own mother, she met this
guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing,
so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she fell
in love with him there and then... A few days later the girl
killed her own sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? DON'T
Scroll down until you have thought what your own answer is
to this question!
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral
again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath. This was a test by famous American psychologist
used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many
arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered
it correctly. If you didn't answer correctly, good for you.
If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep
your distance.
- submitted by Sue Greene
--
Isn't it great we live in a country where a federal appeals
court can declare the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional
because the words "under God" are a violation of separation
of church and state?
Well, you know something, your honors: following that logic,
wouldn't the fact that you were sworn in with your hand on a
Bible render you unemployed? Or maybe we should respond by
withholding your obviously unconstitutional "In God we
trust" paychecks, huh? Or why don't we just change the
phrase to "One nation under a crushing blanket of overly
sensitive political correctness?" (Mumf note: BRAVO!!)
If you haven't heard, Michael Newdow, a 49-year old atheist,
created a media sensation this week after bringing a lawsuit
on behalf of his 8-year old daughter. Well, Mikey, you did a
great job of protecting your kid, didn't ya? Put her in the
middle of this jingoistic maelstrom. Yeah, you are the dad
of the year. Why don't you pick your trophy up when it's
safe to come out of hiding?
By the way, to all the people out there making death threats
against this man and his daughter: if God had wanted you to
kill in His name, you'd be living in the Middle East, not
the Midwest.
Well, anyway, it's good to know that all children are now
guaranteed the right to come into their classroom in the
morning and burn the flag, as long as they don't salute it.
You know folks, I haven't quite figured out the math on this
one yet, but I think the aggrieved minority in this culture
now is the majority.
And, by the way, to the two judges who authored this fiasco:
instead of church and state, maybe you should be worried
about the separation of your head and ass.
--Dennis Miller
- submitted by Gary Savage
--
http://neic.usgs.gov/
- submitted by John Raso
=20
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> <FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
size=3D3>BEAUTY<BR><BR>Everything has beauty,<BR>but not everyone sees=20
it.<BR><BR> - =
Confucius<BR><BR>--<BR>FAULTS<BR><BR>The=20
greatest of all faults<BR>is to be conscious of=20
none.<BR><BR> - Thomas=20
Carlyle<BR><BR>--<BR>PROGRESS<BR><BR>Progress, far from consisting in=20
change,<BR>depends on retentiveness.<BR>Those who cannot remember the=20
past<BR>are condemned to repeat it.<BR><BR> - =
George=20
Santayana<BR><BR>--<BR>SUCCESS<BR><BR>Success is that old ABC =
--<BR>ability,=20
breaks, and courage.<BR><BR> - Charles=20
Luckman<BR><BR>--<BR>"So, Your Honor, the Pledge is unconstitutional =
because=20
it<BR>says 'Under God'. Guess that means when you were sworn in<BR>with =
your=20
hand on a Bible, and at the end of your oath<BR>repeated, 'So Help Me =
God' that=20
makes your job<BR>unconstitutional! Therefore you have no job, which=20
means<BR>your ruling doesn't mean a damn thing."<BR><BR> --Dennis=20
Miller<BR><BR>- submitted by Rob Brucato<BR><BR>--<BR>Two Arabs boarded =
a flight=20
out of New York. One sat in<BR>the window seat and the other sat in the =
middle=20
seat. Just<BR>before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle=20
seat.<BR>After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, =
wiggled<BR>his toes=20
and was settling in when the Arab in<BR>the window seat said, "I think =
I'll get=20
up and get a drink."<BR><BR>"No problem," said the American, "I'll get =
it for=20
you."<BR><BR>While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the=20
American's<BR>shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, =
the<BR>other=20
Arab said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one."<BR><BR>Again, the =
American=20
obligingly went to fetch it and<BR>while he was gone, the other Arab =
picked up=20
the other shoe<BR>and spat in it. When the American returned to his =
seat,=20
they<BR>all sat back and enjoyed the flight.<BR><BR>As the plane was =
landing,=20
the American slipped his feet<BR>into his shoes and knew immediately =
what had=20
happened. "Why<BR>does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How =
long<BR>must this=20
go on? This fighting between our nations? This<BR>hatred? This =
animosity? This=20
spitting in shoes and pissing<BR>in drinks?"<BR><BR>- submitted by John=20
Redfield<BR><BR>--<BR>Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum =
viditur.<BR>(Whatever is=20
said in Latin sounds profound.)<BR><BR> --Richard =
Blalock<BR><BR>--<BR>On=20
September 11, 2001 thousands of people lost their lives<BR>in a brutal =
assault=20
on the American people and the American<BR>form of government. We mourn =
the loss=20
of these innocent<BR>lives and insist that those who perpetrated these =
acts=20
be<BR>held accountable.<BR><BR>This tragedy requires all Americans to =
examine=20
carefully the<BR>steps our country may now take to reduce the risk of=20
future<BR>terrorist attacks.<BR><BR>We need to consider proposals calmly =
and=20
deliberately with a<BR>determination not to erode the liberties and =
freedoms=20
that<BR>are at the core of the American way of life.<BR><BR>We need to =
ensure=20
that actions by our government uphold the<BR>principles of a democratic =
society,=20
accountable government<BR>and international law, and that all decisions =
are=20
taken in a<BR>manner consistent with the Constitution.<BR><BR>We can, as =
we have=20
in the past, in times of war and of<BR>peace, reconcile the requirements =
of=20
security with the<BR>demands of liberty.<BR><BR>We should resist the =
temptation=20
to enact proposals in the<BR>mistaken belief that anything that may be=20
called<BR>anti-terrorist will necessarily provide greater =
security.<BR><BR>We=20
should resist efforts to target people because of their<BR>race, =
religion,=20
ethnic background or appearance, including<BR>immigrants in general, =
Arab=20
Americans and Muslims.<BR><BR>We affirm the right of peaceful dissent, =
protected=20
by the<BR>First Amendment, now, when it is most at risk.<BR><BR>We =
should=20
applaud our political leaders in the days ahead<BR>who have the courage =
to say=20
that our freedoms should not be<BR>limited.<BR><BR>We must have faith in =
our=20
democratic system and our<BR>Constitution, and in our ability to protect =
at the=20
same time<BR>both the freedom and the security of all=20
Americans.<BR><BR>-submitted by Jay Pocius<BR><BR>--<BR>This is a =
genuine=20
psychological test. It is a story about a<BR>girl. Whilst at the funeral =
of her=20
own mother, she met this<BR>guy whom she did not know. She thought this =
guy was=20
amazing,<BR>so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she =
fell<BR>in=20
love with him there and then... A few days later the girl<BR>killed her =
own=20
sister.<BR><BR>Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?=20
DON'T<BR>Scroll down until you have thought what your own answer =
is<BR>to this=20
question!<BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR><BR>=
<BR><BR><BR><BR>She=20
was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral<BR>again. If you =
answered=20
this correctly, you think like a<BR>psychopath. This was a test by =
famous=20
American psychologist<BR>used to test if one has the same mentality as a =
killer.=20
Many<BR>arrested serial killers took part in this test and =
answered<BR>it=20
correctly. If you didn't answer correctly, good for you.<BR>If your =
friends hit=20
the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep<BR>your distance.<BR><BR>- =
submitted by=20
Sue Greene<BR><BR>--<BR>Isn't it great we live in a country where a =
federal=20
appeals<BR>court can declare the Pledge of Allegiance=20
unconstitutional<BR>because the words "under God" are a violation of=20
separation<BR>of church and state?<BR><BR>Well, you know something, your =
honors:=20
following that logic,<BR>wouldn't the fact that you were sworn in with =
your hand=20
on a<BR>Bible render you unemployed? Or maybe we should respond=20
by<BR>withholding your obviously unconstitutional "In God we<BR>trust"=20
paychecks, huh? Or why don't we just change the<BR>phrase to "One nation =
under a=20
crushing blanket of overly<BR>sensitive political correctness?" (Mumf =
note:=20
BRAVO!!)<BR><BR>If you haven't heard, Michael Newdow, a 49-year old=20
atheist,<BR>created a media sensation this week after bringing a =
lawsuit<BR>on=20
behalf of his 8-year old daughter. Well, Mikey, you did a<BR>great job =
of=20
protecting your kid, didn't ya? Put her in the<BR>middle of this =
jingoistic=20
maelstrom. Yeah, you are the dad<BR>of the year. Why don't you pick your =
trophy=20
up when it's<BR>safe to come out of hiding?<BR><BR>By the way, to all =
the people=20
out there making death threats<BR>against this man and his daughter: if =
God had=20
wanted you to<BR>kill in His name, you'd be living in the Middle East,=20
not<BR>the Midwest.<BR><BR>Well, anyway, it's good to know that all =
children are=20
now<BR>guaranteed the right to come into their classroom in =
the<BR>morning and=20
burn the flag, as long as they don't salute it.<BR><BR>You know folks, I =
haven't=20
quite figured out the math on this<BR>one yet, but I think the aggrieved =
minority in this culture<BR>now is the majority.<BR><BR>And, by the way, =
to the=20
two judges who authored this fiasco:<BR>instead of church and state, =
maybe you=20
should be worried<BR>about the separation of your head and=20
ass.<BR><BR> --Dennis Miller<BR><BR>- submitted by Gary=20
Savage<BR><BR>--<BR></FONT><A href=3D"http://neic.usgs.gov/"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" =
size=3D3>http://neic.usgs.gov/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>- submitted by John =
Raso</FONT><BR><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3> =20
</FONT></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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