[Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke

Steve Alm rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Fri, 09 Aug 2002 15:33:19 -0500


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Thanks Thena.  How about this one:

Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind
When I woke up this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind
Yes, I woke up this morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.

--David Bromberg

I think the bullfrog is a fine blues critter.  Butterflies and blue jays ar=
e
not, but a ladybug is.  :-)

Slim=20

On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, "Thena Carville" <thenacarville@worldnet.att.net> wrote=
:

> Dear Slim,
> glad to see you know all the classics....
> Thena
> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: Steve Alm <mailto:salm@mn.rr.com>
>> To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
>> Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:25 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
>>=20
>> Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a perfectly acceptable =
blues
>> way to die) from the essential elements of the =93Perfect Country Western =
Song=94
>> by David Allen Coe and Steve Goodman:
>>=20
>> I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison,
>> And I went to pick her up in the pourin=92 rain,
>> But before I got to the station in my pickup truck,
>> She got runned over by the damned ol=92 train.
>>=20
>> Slim  (Slim Chance and the Gamblers)
>>=20
>> On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G & D Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:
>>=20
>>> Bill
>>> =20
>>> Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs.
>>> As in the famous blues tune:
>>> "My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X
>>> "Im gona git that train".
>>>  Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, no good,
>>> toothless, etc.
>>> Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with a "II" =
or a
>>> "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.
>>> Just my opinion.
>>> =20
>>> Glen
>>> =20
>>> =20
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: Bill Effros <mailto:bill@effros.com>
>>>> To: R22 List <mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org>
>>>> Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM
>>>> Subject: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
>>>>=20
>>>> 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
>>>>=20
>>>> 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues.  Unless you
>>>> stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with
>>>> the meanest face in town."
>>>>=20
>>>> 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
>>>> Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the
>>>> meanest face in town.  Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face i=
n
>>>> town.  Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
>>>>=20
>>>> 4. The Blues is not about choice.  You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in =
a
>>>> ditch--ain't no way out.
>>>>=20
>>>> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.  Blues
>>>> don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any kind.
>>>> Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.  J=
et
>>>> aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
>>>> Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So does fixin' to
>>>> die.
>>>>=20
>>>> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.  They ain't fixin' to die yet.
>>>> Adults sing the Blues.  In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough t=
o
>>>> get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
>>>>=20
>>>> 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any plac=
e
>>>> in Canada.  Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
>>>> clinical depression.  Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still th=
e
>>>> best places to have the Blues.  You cannot have the blues in any place
>>>> that don't get rain.
>>>>=20
>>>> 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues.  A woman with mal=
e
>>>> pattern baldness is.  Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not
>>>> the blues.  Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.
>>>>=20
>>>> 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall.  The lighti=
ng
>>>> is wrong.  Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
>>>>=20
>>>> 10. Good places for the Blues:
>>>> a. highway
>>>> b. jailhouse
>>>> c. empty bed
>>>> d. bottom of a whiskey glass
>>>>=20
>>>> 11. Bad places for the Blues:
>>>> a. Nordstrom's
>>>> b. gallery openings
>>>> c. Ivy League institutions
>>>> d. golf courses
>>>>=20
>>>> 12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
>>>> happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
>>>>=20
>>>> 13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
>>>> Yes, if:
>>>> a. you older than dirt
>>>> b. you blind
>>>> c. you shot a man in Memphis
>>>> d. you can't be satisfied
>>>>=20
>>>> No, if:
>>>> a. you have all your teeth
>>>> b. you were once blind but now can see
>>>> c. the man in Memphis lived
>>>> d. you have a 401K or trust fund
>>>>=20
>>>> 14. Blues is not a matter of color.  It's a matter of bad luck.  Tiger
>>>> Woods cannot sing the blues.  Sonny Liston could.  Ugly white people
>>>> also got a leg up on the blues.
>>>>=20
>>>> 15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
>>>> Blues.  Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey
>>>> or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee
>>>>=20
>>>> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
>>>> a. Perrier
>>>> b. Chardonnay
>>>> c. Snapple
>>>> d. Slim Fast
>>>>=20
>>>> 16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
>>>> death.  Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
>>>> die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
>>>> broken down cot.  You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
>>>> tennis match or while getting liposuction.
>>>>=20
>>>> 17. Some Blues names for women:
>>>> a. Sadie
>>>> b. Big Mama
>>>> c. Bessie
>>>> d. Fat River Dumpling
>>>>=20
>>>> 18. Some Blues names for men:
>>>> a. Joe
>>>> b. Willie
>>>> c. Little Willie
>>>> d. Big Willie
>>>>=20
>>>> 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and Heather can't
>>>> sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
>>>>=20
>>>> 20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
>>>> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
>>>> Lame,etc.)
>>>> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,
>>>> Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,
>>>> Fillmore, etc.)
>>>>=20
>>>> For example:
>>>> Blind Lime Jefferson,
>>>> Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
>>>> Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.  (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
>>>>=20
>>>> 21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cann=
ot
>>>> sing the blues.
>>>>=20
>>>>=20
>>>>=20
>>>>=20
>>>>=20


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<TITLE>Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke</TITLE>
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<FONT FACE=3D"Verdana">Thanks Thena. &nbsp;How about this one:<BR>
<BR>
Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>
When I woke up this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>
Yes, I woke up this morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.<BR>
<BR>
--David Bromberg<BR>
<BR>
I think the bullfrog is a fine blues critter. &nbsp;Butterflies and blue ja=
ys are not, but a ladybug is. &nbsp;:-)<BR>
<BR>
Slim <BR>
<BR>
On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, &quot;Thena Carville&quot; &lt;thenacarville@worldnet.a=
tt.net&gt; wrote:<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><BLOCKQUOTE><FONT SIZE=3D"2"><FONT FACE=3D"Arial">Dear Slim,<BR>
glad to see you know all the classics....<BR>
Thena<BR>
</FONT></FONT><FONT FACE=3D"Verdana">----- Original Message ----- <BR>
</FONT><BLOCKQUOTE><FONT FACE=3D"Verdana"><B>From:</B> Steve Alm &lt;mailto:s=
alm@mn.rr.com&gt; &nbsp;<BR>
<B>To:</B> rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org <BR>
<B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, 2002 1:25 AM<BR>
<B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke<BR>
<BR>
Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a perfectly acceptable blu=
es way to die) from the essential elements of the =93Perfect Country Western S=
ong=94 by David Allen Coe and Steve Goodman:<BR>
<BR>
I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison, <BR>
And I went to pick her up in the pourin=92 rain,<BR>
But before I got to the station in my pickup truck,<BR>
She got runned over by the damned ol=92 train.<BR>
<BR>
Slim &nbsp;(Slim Chance and the Gamblers)<BR>
<BR>
On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, &quot;G &amp; D Barrera&quot; &lt;dbarrera@attbi.com&gt;=
 wrote:<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><BLOCKQUOTE><FONT FACE=3D"Verdana">Bill<BR>
&nbsp;<BR>
Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs. <BR>
As in the famous blues tune:<BR>
&quot;My old yeller dog got run down by a train&quot; 2X<BR>
&quot;Im gona git that train&quot;.<BR>
&nbsp;Dogs can just be &quot;dog&quot;, old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftles=
s, no good, toothless, etc.<BR>
Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with a &quot;II&=
quot; or a &quot;III&quot; after it are not good names for a blues tune.<BR>
Just my opinion.<BR>
&nbsp;<BR>
Glen<BR>
&nbsp;<BR>
&nbsp;<BR>
----- Original Message ----- <BR>
</FONT><BLOCKQUOTE><FONT FACE=3D"Verdana"><B>From:</B> Bill Effros &lt;mailto=
:bill@effros.com&gt; &nbsp;<BR>
<B>To:</B> R22 List &lt;mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org&gt; &nbsp;<BR>
<B>Sent:</B> Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM<BR>
<B>Subject:</B> [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT FACE=3D"Times New Roman">1. Most Blues begin, &quot;Woke up this=
 morning...&quot;<BR>
<BR>
2. &quot;I got a good woman&quot; is a bad way to begin the Blues. &nbsp;Un=
less you<BR>
stick something nasty in the next line like, &quot;I got a good woman, with=
<BR>
the meanest face in town.&quot;<BR>
<BR>
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.<BR>
Then find something that rhymes...sort of: &quot;Got a good woman with the<=
BR>
meanest face in town. &nbsp;Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face i=
n<BR>
town. &nbsp;Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound.&quot=
;<BR>
<BR>
4. The Blues is not about choice. &nbsp;You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in =
a<BR>
ditch--ain't no way out.<BR>
<BR>
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. &nbsp;Blues=
<BR>
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any kind.<BR>
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. &nbsp;J=
et<BR>
aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.<BR>
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. &nbsp;So does fixin' to<=
BR>
die.<BR>
<BR>
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. &nbsp;They ain't fixin' to die yet.<BR>
Adults sing the Blues. &nbsp;In Blues, &quot;adulthood&quot; means being ol=
d enough to<BR>
get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.<BR>
<BR>
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place<BR>
in Canada. &nbsp;Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just<BR>
clinical depression. &nbsp;Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still th=
e<BR>
best places to have the Blues. &nbsp;You cannot have the blues in any place=
<BR>
that don't get rain.<BR>
<BR>
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. &nbsp;A woman with mal=
e<BR>
pattern baldness is. &nbsp;Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not<=
BR>
the blues. &nbsp;Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.<BR>
<BR>
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. &nbsp;The lighti=
ng<BR>
is wrong. &nbsp;Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.<BR>
<BR>
10. Good places for the Blues:<BR>
a. highway<BR>
b. jailhouse<BR>
c. empty bed<BR>
d. bottom of a whiskey glass<BR>
<BR>
11. Bad places for the Blues:<BR>
a. Nordstrom's<BR>
b. gallery openings<BR>
c. Ivy League institutions<BR>
d. golf courses<BR>
<BR>
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you<BR>
happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.<BR>
<BR>
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?<BR>
Yes, if:<BR>
a. you older than dirt<BR>
b. you blind<BR>
c. you shot a man in Memphis<BR>
d. you can't be satisfied<BR>
<BR>
No, if:<BR>
a. you have all your teeth<BR>
b. you were once blind but now can see<BR>
c. the man in Memphis lived<BR>
d. you have a 401K or trust fund<BR>
<BR>
14. Blues is not a matter of color. &nbsp;It's a matter of bad luck. &nbsp;=
Tiger<BR>
Woods cannot sing the blues. &nbsp;Sonny Liston could. &nbsp;Ugly white peo=
ple<BR>
also got a leg up on the blues.<BR>
<BR>
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the<BR>
Blues. &nbsp;Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey=
<BR>
or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee<BR>
<BR>
The following are NOT Blues beverages:<BR>
a. Perrier<BR>
b. Chardonnay<BR>
c. Snapple<BR>
d. Slim Fast<BR>
<BR>
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues<BR>
death. &nbsp;Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to=
<BR>
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a<BR>
broken down cot. &nbsp;You can't have a Blues death if you die during a<BR>
tennis match or while getting liposuction.<BR>
<BR>
17. Some Blues names for women:<BR>
a. Sadie<BR>
b. Big Mama<BR>
c. Bessie<BR>
d. Fat River Dumpling<BR>
<BR>
18. Some Blues names for men:<BR>
a. Joe<BR>
b. Willie<BR>
c. Little Willie<BR>
d. Big Willie<BR>
<BR>
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and Heather can't<BR>
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.<BR>
<BR>
20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:<BR>
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,<BR>
Lame,etc.)<BR>
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,<BR>
Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,<BR>
Fillmore, etc.)<BR>
<BR>
For example:<BR>
Blind Lime Jefferson,<BR>
Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or<BR>
Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. &nbsp;(Well, maybe not &quot;Kiwi.&quot;)<BR>
<BR>
21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot<BR=
>
sing the blues.<BR>
<BR>
</FONT><FONT FACE=3D"Verdana"><BR>
<BR>
<BR>
</FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE><FONT FACE=3D"Verd=
ana"><BR>
</FONT>
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