[Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
Thena Carville
rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Fri, 9 Aug 2002 09:11:54 -0700
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
------=_NextPart_000_0093_01C23F84.CDFF78A0
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- JokeDear Slim,
glad to see you know all the classics....
Thena
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Steve Alm=20
To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:25 AM
Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a perfectly =
acceptable blues way to die) from the essential elements of the "Perfect =
Country Western Song" by David Allen Coe and Steve Goodman:
I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison,=20
And I went to pick her up in the pourin' rain,
But before I got to the station in my pickup truck,
She got runned over by the damned ol' train.
Slim (Slim Chance and the Gamblers)
On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G & D Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:
Bill
=20
Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs.=20
As in the famous blues tune:
"My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X
"Im gona git that train".
Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, no =
good, toothless, etc.
Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with a =
"II" or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.
Just my opinion.
=20
Glen
=20
=20
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Bill Effros <mailto:bill@effros.com> =20
To: R22 List <mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org> =20
Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues. Unless =
you
stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, =
with
the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat =
it.
Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with =
the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest =
face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck =
in a
ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. =
Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any =
kind.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound =
train. Jet
aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the =
running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' =
to
die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old =
enough to
get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any =
place
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are =
still the
best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any =
place
that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with =
male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is =
not
the blues. Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The =
lighting
is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less =
you
happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. =
Tiger
Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white =
people
also got a leg up on the blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's =
the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. =
whiskey
or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a =
Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues =
way to
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on =
a
broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and Heather =
can't
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
Lame,etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,
Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,
Fillmore, etc.)
For example:
Blind Lime Jefferson,
Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you =
cannot
sing the blues.
------=_NextPart_000_0093_01C23F84.CDFF78A0
Content-Type: text/html;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- =
Joke</TITLE>
<META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; =
charset=3Diso-8859-1">
<META content=3D"MSHTML 6.00.2716.2200" name=3DGENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Dear Slim,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>glad to see you know all the=20
classics....</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Thena</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
<A title=3Dsalm@mn.rr.com href=3D"mailto:salm@mn.rr.com">Steve Alm</A> =
</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3Drhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
=
href=3D"mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org">rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org</A>=
</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, 2002 =
1:25=20
AM</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] =
How to Sing=20
The Blues -- Joke</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana>Not too far a stretch (reference =
to the=20
gallows--a perfectly acceptable blues way to die) from the essential =
elements=20
of the =93Perfect Country Western Song=94 by David Allen Coe and Steve =
Goodman:<BR><BR>I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison, =
<BR>And I went=20
to pick her up in the pourin=92 rain,<BR>But before I got to the =
station in my=20
pickup truck,<BR>She got runned over by the damned ol=92 =
train.<BR><BR>Slim=20
(Slim Chance and the Gamblers)<BR><BR>On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G =
& D=20
Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:<BR><BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana>Bill<BR> <BR>Liked your run down =
and=20
only have to offer, dogs. <BR>As in the famous blues tune:<BR>"My =
old yeller=20
dog got run down by a train" 2X<BR>"Im gona git that =
train".<BR> Dogs=20
can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, no good, =
toothless,=20
etc.<BR>Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name =
with a=20
"II" or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues =
tune.<BR>Just my=20
opinion.<BR> <BR>Glen<BR> <BR> <BR>----- Original =
Message=20
----- <BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana><B>From:</B> Bill Effros=20
<mailto:bill@effros.com> <BR><B>To:</B> R22 List=20
<mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org> <BR><B>Sent:</B> =
Thursday,=20
August 08, 2002 11:10 AM<BR><B>Subject:</B> [Rhodes22-list] How to =
Sing=20
The Blues -- Joke<BR><BR></FONT><FONT face=3D"Times New Roman">1. =
Most Blues=20
begin, "Woke up this morning..."<BR><BR>2. "I got a good woman" is =
a bad=20
way to begin the Blues. Unless you<BR>stick something nasty =
in the=20
next line like, "I got a good woman, with<BR>the meanest face in=20
town."<BR><BR>3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line =
right,=20
repeat it.<BR>Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a =
good woman=20
with the<BR>meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman =
with the=20
meanest face in<BR>town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, =
and she=20
weigh 500 pound."<BR><BR>4. The Blues is not about choice. =
You stuck=20
in a ditch, you stuck in a<BR>ditch--ain't no way out.<BR><BR>5. =
Blues=20
cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.=20
Blues<BR>don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility =
Vehicles of=20
any kind.<BR>Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a =
southbound=20
train. Jet<BR>aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't =
even in=20
the running.<BR>Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. =
So does fixin' to<BR>die.<BR><BR>6. Teenagers can't sing the =
Blues.=20
They ain't fixin' to die yet.<BR>Adults sing the Blues. =
In=20
Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to<BR>get the electric =
chair if=20
you shoot a man in Memphis.<BR><BR>7. Blues can take place in New =
York=20
City but not in Hawaii or any place<BR>in Canada. Hard times =
in=20
Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just<BR>clinical depression.=20
Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the<BR>best =
places to=20
have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any =
place<BR>that don't=20
get rain.<BR><BR>8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the =
blues.=20
A woman with male<BR>pattern baldness is. Breaking =
your leg=20
'cause you were skiing is not<BR>the blues. Breaking your =
leg=20
escaping an outraged husband is.<BR><BR>9. You can't have no Blues =
in a=20
office or a shopping mall. The lighting<BR>is wrong. =
Go=20
outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.<BR><BR>10. Good =
places=20
for the Blues:<BR>a. highway<BR>b. jailhouse<BR>c. empty bed<BR>d. =
bottom=20
of a whiskey glass<BR><BR>11. Bad places for the Blues:<BR>a.=20
Nordstrom's<BR>b. gallery openings<BR>c. Ivy League =
institutions<BR>d.=20
golf courses<BR><BR>12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you =
wear a=20
suit, 'less you<BR>happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept =
in=20
it.<BR><BR>13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?<BR>Yes, =
if:<BR>a.=20
you older than dirt<BR>b. you blind<BR>c. you shot a man in =
Memphis<BR>d.=20
you can't be satisfied<BR><BR>No, if:<BR>a. you have all your =
teeth<BR>b.=20
you were once blind but now can see<BR>c. the man in Memphis =
lived<BR>d.=20
you have a 401K or trust fund<BR><BR>14. Blues is not a matter of =
color.=20
It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger<BR>Woods cannot sing =
the=20
blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people<BR>also =
got a leg=20
up on the blues.<BR><BR>15. If you ask for water and your darlin' =
give you=20
gasoline, it's the<BR>Blues. Other acceptable Blues =
beverages are:=20
a. cheap wine b. whiskey<BR>or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty =
black=20
coffee<BR><BR>The following are NOT Blues beverages:<BR>a. =
Perrier<BR>b.=20
Chardonnay<BR>c. Snapple<BR>d. Slim Fast<BR><BR>16. If death =
occurs in a=20
cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues<BR>death. =
Stabbed in=20
the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to<BR>die. So is =
the=20
electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a<BR>broken =
down cot.=20
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a<BR>tennis =
match or=20
while getting liposuction.<BR><BR>17. Some Blues names for =
women:<BR>a.=20
Sadie<BR>b. Big Mama<BR>c. Bessie<BR>d. Fat River =
Dumpling<BR><BR>18. Some=20
Blues names for men:<BR>a. Joe<BR>b. Willie<BR>c. Little =
Willie<BR>d. Big=20
Willie<BR><BR>19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, =
and=20
Heather can't<BR>sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot =
in=20
Memphis.<BR><BR>20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:<BR>a. =
name of=20
physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,<BR>Lame,etc.)<BR>b. first name =
(see=20
above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,<BR>Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last =
name of=20
President (Jefferson, Johnson,<BR>Fillmore, etc.)<BR><BR>For=20
example:<BR>Blind Lime Jefferson,<BR>Jakeleg Lemon Johnson =
or<BR>Cripple=20
Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")<BR><BR>21. I =
don't=20
care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you =
cannot<BR>sing the=20
blues.<BR><BR></FONT><FONT=20
face=3DVerdana><BR></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE><FONT=20
face=3DVerdana><BR></BLOCKQUOTE></FONT></BODY></HTML>
------=_NextPart_000_0093_01C23F84.CDFF78A0--