[Rhodes22-list] jokes

Thu, 8 Aug 2002 16:37:17 -0400

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Michael et all.  I have received in the past 2 days 3  virus attacks =
sent from within the Rhodes Forum. My anti-virus is picking them up and =
deleting them.  Forwarned is fore armed. =20

Sam
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Michael Meltzer=20
  To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
  Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 2:16 PM
  Subject: [Rhodes22-list] jokes

  "The harm done by some priests and religious to the young
  and vulnerable fills us all with a deep sense of sadness and
  shame. But think of the vast majority of dedicated and
  generous priests and religious whose only wish is to serve
  and do good."

  -POPE JOHN PAUL II

  --
  (Mumf note: I 'love' this next one -- all of the memories of
  the 50's and early 60's! remember when racism was
  acceptable, as was segregation? or when women knew their
  place and didn't dare venture from the home -- even if it
  was an abusive one? or how you had to stay in the closet if
  you were not heterosexual? I could go on but I think you get
  my drift -- these memories are for white, straight,
  middle-class and up males; bullshit, I say; I mean, if it
  was such a great time, why the fuck did this generation
  raise a generation that has so many problems? I guess they
  were to busy "remembering" and not paying much attention!)

  REMEMBER....
  When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the
  bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the banquets were
  in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and all
  the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits
  for the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12
  p.m.

  When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car. . . to cruise,
  peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and people went
  steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped
  dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so
  it would fit her finger.

  And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they
  were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were
  never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally
  locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.

  Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends
  and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..."

  And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the
  rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a
  psychological group learning experience-it was a game.

  Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps
  and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a
  perfect stranger.

  And... with all our progress... don't you just wish... just
  once... you could slip back in time and savor the slower
  pace... and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's
  ...

  So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy
  Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The
  Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie
  Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the
  sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers
  filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, baseball
  games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid
  powder with sugar.

  When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
  compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at
  home.

  Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't
  because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

  Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

  But we all survived because their love was greater than the
  threat. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say,
  Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long ago?

  - submitted by Gary Savage

  --
  I come for visit, get treated regal,
  So I stay, who care I illegal?

  I cross border, poor and broke,
  Take bus, see employment folk.

  Nice man treat me good in there,
  Say I need to see welfare.

  Welfare say, "You come no more,
  We send cash right to your door."

  Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
  Medicaid it keep you healthy!

  By and by, I got plenty money,
  Thanks to you, American dummy.

  Write to friends in motherland,
  Tell them come as fast as you can.

  They come in rags and Chebby trucks,
  I buy big house with welfare bucks.

  They come here, we live together,
  More welfare checks, it gets better!

  Fourteen families they moving in,
  But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

  Finally, white guy moves away,
  Now I buy his house, and then I say,

  "Find more aliens for house to rent."
  And in the yard I put a tent.

  Send for family (they just trash),
  But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

  Everything is mucho good,
  And soon we own the neighborhood.

  We have hobby--it's called breeding,
  Welfare pay for baby feeding.

  Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
  We get free! We got no bills!

  American crazy! He pay all year,
  To keep welfare running here.

  We think America darn good place!
  Too darn good for the white man race.

  If they no like us, they can go,
  Got lots of room in Mexico.

  - submitted by Ron Coveney

  --
  In 1963, English comedian Graham Chapman (1941-1989)
  graduated from Emmanuel College at Cambridge University and
  became a practicing surgeon at St. Bartholomew's Hospital in
  London. Simultaneously, he indulged his love for comedy by
  performing with the Cambridge Comedy Circus troupe. After
  receiving an offer to tour with the troupe in New Zealand,
  Chapman struggled to make a decision, knowing that accepting
  the offer would likely mean the end of his medical career.
  In a twist of fate, the Queen of England helped him make the
  decision.

  The Queen dropped in to have tea with the hospital staff,
  and, while there, struck up a brief discussion with Chapman.
  He told her about his offer to tour and explained his
  reservations, and after considering both sides, the Queen
  advised Chapman to go to New Zealand and take the
  sabbatical. "Beautiful place," she claimed. "You must go."
  The suggestion would help launch Chapman's rapid rise to
  international stardom.

  After the tour, Chapman went on to become one of the
  founding members of Monty Python's Flying Circus, a BBC
  comedy program formed in 1969 that ran until 1974. Chapman,
  openly homosexual, (Mumf note: this I did NOT know -- I
  thought that behaviour was "simply being British") brought
  to the show skits filled with camp and cross-dressing, as
  well as his love for playing authority figures.

  Chapman never put the medical world entirely behind him,
  however. He played a doctor in the 1969 British television
  series, Doctor in the House, and again in the 1971 follow-up
  situation comedy, Doctor at Large. In the 1983 movie The
  Meaning of Life, Chapman played a field doctor who pokes at
  the amputations of a soldier with the mouthpiece of his
  pipe, diagnosing the victim's injuries as simple "flesh
  wounds."

  As for Chapman's gratitude to the Queen, he frequently paid
  tribute to her in his own special way--by dressing in gown
  and tiara and doing impressions of her in a falsetto voice
  on Flying Circus.

  - submitted by Jay Pocius

  --
  INGENUITY

  Never tell people
  how to do things.
  Tell hem what to do,
  and they will surprise you
  with their ingenuity.

       - General George S. Patton, Jr.

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<DIV>Michael et all.&nbsp; I have received =
in the past 2=20
days 3&nbsp; virus attacks sent from within the Rhodes Forum. My =
anti-virus is=20
picking them up and deleting them.&nbsp; Forwarned is fore armed.&nbsp;=20
</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>Sam</DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE dir=3Dltr=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
 <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
 <DIV=20
 style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black">From:=20
 <A title=3Dmjm@michaelmeltzer.com =
href=3D"mailto:mjm@michaelmeltzer.com">Michael=20
 Meltzer</A> </DIV>
 <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">To: <A =
title=3Drhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
 =
href=3D"mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org">rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org</A>=
 </DIV>
 <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 =
2:16=20
 PM</DIV>
 <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">Subject: [Rhodes22-list] =
jokes</DIV>
 <DIV> </DIV>
 <DIV>"The harm=20
 done by some priests and religious to the young and vulnerable =
fills us all=20
 with a deep sense of sadness and shame. But think of the vast =
majority of=20
 dedicated and generous priests and religious whose only wish is to=20
 serve and do good." -POPE JOHN PAUL II -- (Mumf =
note: I=20
 'love' this next one -- all of the memories of the 50's and early =
60's!=20
 remember when racism was acceptable, as was segregation? or when =
women knew=20
 their place and didn't dare venture from the home -- even if =
it was an=20
 abusive one? or how you had to stay in the closet if you were not=20
 heterosexual? I could go on but I think you get my drift -- these =
memories=20
 are for white, straight, middle-class and up males; bullshit, I =
say; I=20
 mean, if it was such a great time, why the fuck did this=20
 generation raise a generation that has so many problems? I guess=20
 they were to busy "remembering" and not paying much=20
 attention!) REMEMBER.... When the worst thing you could do =
at school=20
 was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the =
banquets=20
 were in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and =
all the=20
 girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits for the =
first time=20
 and we were allowed to stay out till 12 p.m. When a '57 =
Chevy was=20
 everyone's dream car. . . to cruise, peel out, lay rubber and watch =
drag=20
 races, and people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an =
inch of=20
 wrapped dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish =
so it=20
 would fit her finger. And no one ever asked where the car keys =
were=20
 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors=20
 were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you =
accidentally locked=20
 the doors at home, since no one ever had a key. Remember lying =
on your=20
 back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That =
cloud=20
 looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults to help =
kids with=20
 the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not =
a psychological group=20
 learning experience-it was a game. Remember when stuff from the =
store=20
 came without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet =
tried to=20
 poison a perfect stranger. And... with all our progress... =
don't you=20
 just wish... just once... you could slip back in time and savor the =

slower pace... and share it with the children of the 80's and=20
 90's ... So send this on to someone who can still remember=20
 Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel &amp; Hardy, Howdy Doody and=20
 The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, =
Nellie Belle, Roy=20
 and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real =
mower on=20
 Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in =
cowboy=20
 land, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating=20
 Kool-Aid powder with sugar. When being sent to the =
principal's=20
 office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving =
student=20
 at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it=20
 wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our =
parents=20
 and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we all survived =
because=20
 their love was greater than the threat. Didn't that feel good, just =
to go=20
 back and say, Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long=20
 ago? - submitted by Gary Savage -- I come for visit, =
get=20
 treated regal, So I stay, who care I illegal? I cross =
border, poor=20
 and broke, Take bus, see employment folk. Nice man treat me =
good in=20
 there, Say I need to see welfare. Welfare say, "You come no=20
 more, We send cash right to your door." Welfare checks, they =
make=20
 you wealthy, Medicaid it keep you healthy! By and by, I got =
plenty=20
 money, Thanks to you, American dummy. Write to friends in=20
 motherland, Tell them come as fast as you can. They come in =
rags and=20
 Chebby trucks, I buy big house with welfare bucks. They come =
here,=20
 we live together, More welfare checks, it gets =
better! Fourteen=20
 families they moving in, But neighbor's patience wearing=20
 thin. Finally, white guy moves away, Now I buy his house, =
and then I=20
 say, "Find more aliens for house to rent." And in the yard I =
put a=20
 tent. Send for family (they just trash), But they, too, draw =
the=20
 welfare cash! Everything is mucho good, And soon we own the=20
 neighborhood. We have hobby--it's called breeding, Welfare =
pay for=20
 baby feeding. Kids need dentist? Wife need pills? We get =
free! We=20
 got no bills! American crazy! He pay all year, To keep =
welfare=20
 running here. We think America darn good place! Too darn =
good for=20
 the white man race. If they no like us, they can go, Got =
lots of=20
 room in Mexico. - submitted by Ron Coveney -- In =
1963,=20
 English comedian Graham Chapman (1941-1989) graduated from Emmanuel =
College=20
 at Cambridge University and became a practicing surgeon at St.=20
 Bartholomew's Hospital in London. Simultaneously, he indulged his =
love for=20
 comedy by performing with the Cambridge Comedy Circus troupe.=20
 After receiving an offer to tour with the troupe in New =
Zealand, Chapman=20
 struggled to make a decision, knowing that accepting the offer =
would likely=20
 mean the end of his medical career. In a twist of fate, the Queen =
of=20
 England helped him make the decision. The Queen dropped in =
to have=20
 tea with the hospital staff, and, while there, struck up a brief =
discussion=20
 with Chapman. He told her about his offer to tour and explained=20
 his reservations, and after considering both sides, the =
Queen advised=20
 Chapman to go to New Zealand and take the sabbatical. "Beautiful =
place,"=20
 she claimed. "You must go." The suggestion would help launch =
Chapman's=20
 rapid rise to international stardom. After the tour, Chapman =
went on=20
 to become one of the founding members of Monty Python's Flying =
Circus, a=20
 BBC comedy program formed in 1969 that ran until 1974. =
Chapman, openly=20
 homosexual, (Mumf note: this I did NOT know -- I thought that =
behaviour was=20
 "simply being British") brought to the show skits filled with camp =
and=20
 cross-dressing, as well as his love for playing authority=20
 figures. Chapman never put the medical world entirely behind=20
 him, however. He played a doctor in the 1969 British =
television series,=20
 Doctor in the House, and again in the 1971 follow-up situation =
comedy,=20
 Doctor at Large. In the 1983 movie The Meaning of Life, Chapman =
played a=20
 field doctor who pokes at the amputations of a soldier with the =
mouthpiece=20
 of his pipe, diagnosing the victim's injuries as simple=20
 "flesh wounds." As for Chapman's gratitude to the Queen, he=20
 frequently paid tribute to her in his own special way--by dressing =
in=20
 gown and tiara and doing impressions of her in a falsetto =
voice on=20
 Flying Circus. - submitted by Jay=20
 Pocius -- INGENUITY Never tell people how to do=20
 things. Tell hem what to do, and they will surprise you with =
their=20
 ingenuity. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - General George S. Patton, =

  Jr.</FONT><BR><BR></FONT></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>

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