[Rhodes22-list] jokes

Thu, 8 Aug 2002 14:16:38 -0400

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"The harm done by some priests and religious to the young
and vulnerable fills us all with a deep sense of sadness and
shame. But think of the vast majority of dedicated and
generous priests and religious whose only wish is to serve
and do good."

-POPE JOHN PAUL II

--
(Mumf note: I 'love' this next one -- all of the memories of
the 50's and early 60's! remember when racism was
acceptable, as was segregation? or when women knew their
place and didn't dare venture from the home -- even if it
was an abusive one? or how you had to stay in the closet if
you were not heterosexual? I could go on but I think you get
my drift -- these memories are for white, straight,
middle-class and up males; bullshit, I say; I mean, if it
was such a great time, why the fuck did this generation
raise a generation that has so many problems? I guess they
were to busy "remembering" and not paying much attention!)

REMEMBER....
When the worst thing you could do at school was smoke in the
bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the banquets were
in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and all
the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits
for the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12
p.m.

When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car. . . to cruise,
peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and people went
steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped
dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so
it would fit her finger.

And no one ever asked where the car keys were 'cause they
were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were
never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally
locked the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.

Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends
and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..."

And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the
rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a
psychological group learning experience-it was a game.

Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps
and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to poison a
perfect stranger.

And... with all our progress... don't you just wish... just
once... you could slip back in time and savor the slower
pace... and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's
...

So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy
Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The
Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie
Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the
sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers
filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land, baseball
games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid
powder with sugar.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at
home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't
because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

But we all survived because their love was greater than the
threat. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say,
Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long ago?

- submitted by Gary Savage

--
I come for visit, get treated regal,
So I stay, who care I illegal?

I cross border, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,
We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!

By and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them come as fast as you can.

They come in rags and Chebby trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.

They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."
And in the yard I put a tent.

Send for family (they just trash),
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is mucho good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.

We have hobby--it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!

American crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.

If they no like us, they can go,
Got lots of room in Mexico.

- submitted by Ron Coveney

--
In 1963, English comedian Graham Chapman (1941-1989)
graduated from Emmanuel College at Cambridge University and
became a practicing surgeon at St. Bartholomew's Hospital in
London. Simultaneously, he indulged his love for comedy by
performing with the Cambridge Comedy Circus troupe. After
receiving an offer to tour with the troupe in New Zealand,
Chapman struggled to make a decision, knowing that accepting
the offer would likely mean the end of his medical career.
In a twist of fate, the Queen of England helped him make the
decision.

The Queen dropped in to have tea with the hospital staff,
and, while there, struck up a brief discussion with Chapman.
He told her about his offer to tour and explained his
reservations, and after considering both sides, the Queen
advised Chapman to go to New Zealand and take the
sabbatical. "Beautiful place," she claimed. "You must go."
The suggestion would help launch Chapman's rapid rise to
international stardom.

After the tour, Chapman went on to become one of the
founding members of Monty Python's Flying Circus, a BBC
comedy program formed in 1969 that ran until 1974. Chapman,
openly homosexual, (Mumf note: this I did NOT know -- I
thought that behaviour was "simply being British") brought
to the show skits filled with camp and cross-dressing, as
well as his love for playing authority figures.

Chapman never put the medical world entirely behind him,
however. He played a doctor in the 1969 British television
series, Doctor in the House, and again in the 1971 follow-up
situation comedy, Doctor at Large. In the 1983 movie The
Meaning of Life, Chapman played a field doctor who pokes at
the amputations of a soldier with the mouthpiece of his
pipe, diagnosing the victim's injuries as simple "flesh
wounds."

As for Chapman's gratitude to the Queen, he frequently paid
tribute to her in his own special way--by dressing in gown
and tiara and doing impressions of her in a falsetto voice
on Flying Circus.

- submitted by Jay Pocius

--
INGENUITY

Never tell people
how to do things.
Tell hem what to do,
and they will surprise you
with their ingenuity.

     - General George S. Patton, Jr.

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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><FONT face=3D"Times New Roman" =
size=3D3>"The harm done=20
by some priests and religious to the young<BR>and vulnerable fills us =
all with a=20
deep sense of sadness and<BR>shame. But think of the vast majority of =
dedicated=20
and<BR>generous priests and religious whose only wish is to serve<BR>and =
do=20
good."<BR><BR>-POPE JOHN PAUL II<BR><BR>--<BR>(Mumf note: I 'love' this =
next one=20
-- all of the memories of<BR>the 50's and early 60's! remember when =
racism=20
was<BR>acceptable, as was segregation? or when women knew their<BR>place =
and=20
didn't dare venture from the home -- even if it<BR>was an abusive one? =
or how=20
you had to stay in the closet if<BR>you were not heterosexual? I could =
go on but=20
I think you get<BR>my drift -- these memories are for white,=20
straight,<BR>middle-class and up males; bullshit, I say; I mean, if =
it<BR>was=20
such a great time, why the fuck did this generation<BR>raise a =
generation that=20
has so many problems? I guess they<BR>were to busy "remembering" and not =
paying=20
much attention!)<BR><BR>REMEMBER....<BR>When the worst thing you could =
do at=20
school was smoke in the<BR>bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And the =
banquets=20
were<BR>in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later, and =
all<BR>the girls=20
wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits<BR>for the first time =
and we=20
were allowed to stay out till 12<BR>p.m.<BR><BR>When a '57 Chevy was =
everyone's=20
dream car. . . to cruise,<BR>peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, =
and=20
people went<BR>steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of=20
wrapped<BR>dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish =
so<BR>it=20
would fit her finger.<BR><BR>And no one ever asked where the car keys =
were=20
'cause they<BR>were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors=20
were<BR>never locked. And you got in big trouble if you =
accidentally<BR>locked=20
the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.<BR><BR>Remember lying on =
your=20
back on the grass with your friends<BR>and saying things like "That =
cloud looks=20
like a..."<BR><BR>And playing baseball with no adults to help kids with=20
the<BR>rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a<BR>psychological =
group=20
learning experience-it was a game.<BR><BR>Remember when stuff from the =
store=20
came without safety caps<BR>and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet =
tried to=20
poison a<BR>perfect stranger.<BR><BR>And... with all our progress... =
don't you=20
just wish... just<BR>once... you could slip back in time and savor the=20
slower<BR>pace... and share it with the children of the 80's and=20
90's<BR>...<BR><BR>So send this on to someone who can still remember=20
Nancy<BR>Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel &amp; Hardy, Howdy Doody and =
The<BR>Peanut=20
Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie<BR>Belle, Roy and =
Dale,=20
Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the<BR>sound of a real mower on =
Saturday=20
morning, and summers<BR>filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy land,=20
baseball<BR>games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating=20
Kool-Aid<BR>powder with sugar.<BR><BR>When being sent to the principal's =
office=20
was nothing<BR>compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student=20
at<BR>home.<BR><BR>Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it=20
wasn't<BR>because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.<BR><BR>Our =
parents=20
and grandparents were a much bigger threat!<BR><BR>But we all survived =
because=20
their love was greater than the<BR>threat. Didn't that feel good, just =
to go=20
back and say,<BR>Yeah, I remember that! And was it really that long=20
ago?<BR><BR>- submitted by Gary Savage<BR><BR>--<BR>I come for visit, =
get=20
treated regal,<BR>So I stay, who care I illegal?<BR><BR>I cross border, =
poor and=20
broke,<BR>Take bus, see employment folk.<BR><BR>Nice man treat me good =
in=20
there,<BR>Say I need to see welfare.<BR><BR>Welfare say, "You come no=20
more,<BR>We send cash right to your door."<BR><BR>Welfare checks, they =
make you=20
wealthy,<BR>Medicaid it keep you healthy!<BR><BR>By and by, I got plenty =

money, Thanks to you, American dummy. Write to friends in=20
motherland, Tell them come as fast as you can. They come in =
rags and=20
Chebby trucks, I buy big house with welfare bucks. They come =
here, we=20
live together, More welfare checks, it gets better! Fourteen =
families=20
they moving in, But neighbor's patience wearing thin. Finally, =
white=20
guy moves away, Now I buy his house, and then I say, "Find =
more aliens=20
for house to rent." And in the yard I put a tent. Send for =
family=20
(they just trash), But they, too, draw the welfare =
cash! Everything is=20
mucho good, And soon we own the neighborhood. We have =
hobby--it's=20
called breeding, Welfare pay for baby feeding. Kids need =
dentist? Wife=20
need pills? We get free! We got no bills! American crazy! He =
pay all=20
year, To keep welfare running here. We think America darn good =

place! Too darn good for the white man race. If they no like =
us, they=20
can go, Got lots of room in Mexico. - submitted by Ron=20
Coveney -- In 1963, English comedian Graham Chapman=20
(1941-1989) graduated from Emmanuel College at Cambridge University=20
and became a practicing surgeon at St. Bartholomew's Hospital =
in London.=20
Simultaneously, he indulged his love for comedy by performing with =
the=20
Cambridge Comedy Circus troupe. After receiving an offer to tour with =
the=20
troupe in New Zealand, Chapman struggled to make a decision, knowing =
that=20
accepting the offer would likely mean the end of his medical =
career. In a=20
twist of fate, the Queen of England helped him make =
the decision. The=20
Queen dropped in to have tea with the hospital staff, and, while =
there,=20
struck up a brief discussion with Chapman. He told her about his =
offer to=20
tour and explained his reservations, and after considering both =
sides, the=20
Queen advised Chapman to go to New Zealand and take =
the sabbatical.=20
"Beautiful place," she claimed. "You must go." The suggestion would =
help=20
launch Chapman's rapid rise to international stardom. After =
the tour,=20
Chapman went on to become one of the founding members of Monty =
Python's=20
Flying Circus, a BBC comedy program formed in 1969 that ran until =
1974.=20
Chapman, openly homosexual, (Mumf note: this I did NOT know -- =
I thought=20
that behaviour was "simply being British") brought to the show skits =
filled=20
with camp and cross-dressing, as well as his love for playing =
authority=20
figures. Chapman never put the medical world entirely behind=20
him, however. He played a doctor in the 1969 British =
television series,=20
Doctor in the House, and again in the 1971 follow-up situation =
comedy, Doctor=20
at Large. In the 1983 movie The Meaning of Life, Chapman played a =
field=20
doctor who pokes at the amputations of a soldier with the mouthpiece =
of=20
his pipe, diagnosing the victim's injuries as simple=20
"flesh wounds." As for Chapman's gratitude to the Queen, he =
frequently=20
paid tribute to her in his own special way--by dressing in =
gown and tiara=20
and doing impressions of her in a falsetto voice on Flying =
Circus. -=20
submitted by Jay Pocius -- INGENUITY Never tell =
people how=20
to do things. Tell hem what to do, and they will surprise =
you with=20
their ingenuity. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - General George S. =
Patton,=20
Jr. </DIV></BODY></HTML>

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