[Rhodes22-list] Joke: ATM drive-through instructions:

[Bill Effros]

ATM drive-through banking instructions:

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller
machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility, the following
procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to
your own circumstances (i.e.MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use
the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE:

* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
* 2 Put down your car window.
* 3 Insert card into machine, enter PIN.
* 4 Enter amount of cash required.
* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
* 6 Put window up.
* 7 Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

* 1 Drive up to cash machine.
* 2 Reverse required distance to align car window to machine.
* 3 Set parking brake, put window down.
* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
* 5 Turn the radio down.
* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.
* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
* 9 Insert card.
* 10 Re-insert card the right way up.
* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN # written on the inside
back page.
* 12 Enter PIN.
* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
* 14 Enter amount of cash required.
* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.
* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.
* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.
* 19 Check make-up once more.
* 20 Drive forward 2 feet.
* 21 Reverse back to cash machine.
* 22 Retrieve card.
* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided
* 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers waiting
behind.
* 25  Restart stalled engine and pull off.
* 26  Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
* 27  Release parking brake.