[Rhodes22-list] Thanksgiving dinner at the Haslett/Shen house

[Rik Sandberg]

Hey Brad,

If your forks all match, you're one step ahead of us. :-)

I am sorry to say that my good friend Martha must have already accepted a
previous engagement ( I thought it was at your place) at the time she
received our invitation to this years Thanksgiving gala. Apparently though,
her reply to us offering her regrets for not being able to attend must have
gotten lost in the mail. I could not possibly imagine that she would have
neglected to send one. That just wouldn't be at all like Martha.

Rik
----- Original Message -----
From: "brad haslett" <flybrad@yahoo.com>
To: <rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org>
Sent: Monday, November 25, 2002 12:34 PM
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] Thanksgiving dinner at the Haslett/Shen house


> Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
> Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't
> act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've
> made a few small changes:
>
> Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper
> bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that
>
> no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch
> sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
>
> Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall
> is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and
> fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've
> gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having
> them track in colorful autumn leaves from the
> front yard. The mud was their idea. The dining table
> will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy
> china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use
> dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.
>
> Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using
> the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins
> from last Christmas. Our centerpiece will not be the
> tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised.
> Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like
> decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction
> paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
>
> We will be dining fashionably late. The children will
> entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be
> happy to share every choice comment I have made
> regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey
> hotline. Please remember that most of these comments
> were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the
> turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
>
> As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will
> play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children
> should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal
> drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously
> like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
> They are lying.
>
> We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell
> to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we
> chose to keep our traditional method. We've also
> decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the
> smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and
> sit where you like.
>
> In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to
> sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next
> door.
>
> Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person
> carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative
> onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.
> For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a
> private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do
> not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to
> laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children
> to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The
> turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
> eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>
> I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
> young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a
> football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister
> in the head with warm tasty bread.
>
> Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration
> of the meal, and especially while in the presence of
> young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
> lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner
> questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese
> Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.
>
> Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of
> offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious
> desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin
> pie, garnished with whipped cream and small
> fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or
>
> leave it.
> Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
> Thanksgiving. She
> probably won't come next year either.
>
>  I am thankful.
>
>
>
>
> ]
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