[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

(Mumf note: this opinion below is NOT from a place on the
web, rather it was written by the submitter himself; Jimi,
welcome aboard and good luck with this audience -- and the
editor! let's remember a few things here while reading
this: (1) Bush and his cabinet know more about the
situation in Iraq than we do; (2) a war in Iraq will most
likely be protracted, therefore, it will NOT have a
positive impact on our economy, rather just the opposite
initially -- which will guarantee him no re-election, and
(3) he isn't looking for a "smoking gun", instead just
trying to point out that Blix and friends have proven that
they (Sadam and his cronies) are refusing to show the
evidence that they have properly destroyed the previously
owned chemical and biological "weapons of mass
destruction"; let's not approach this with the attitude,
which I've heard before from people I respect, that "let's
wait and see -- maybe he won't hurt anyone" -- remember
that, in the period before WW1 and WW2, Churchill was
considered "the boy who cried wolf" when he repeatedly
insisted that Hitler should be removed before it was too
late"; he was "pooh poohed" and of course, everyone waited
for "the smoking gun" which was millions dead; and don't
forget what I said in point (1) above! lastly, I am not
for war as a rule, but if we haven't learned from history
that this is a dangerous world and that we need to "walk
quietly and carry a big stick", or, for you athletes, "the
best defense is a good offense", than we haven't learned
much -- let us not believe that simply because your
politics differ with Bush's doesn't mean what they are
doing is wrong)

i don't know........seems to me the thing actually at
stake is our indigenous feudal lords plan to fix our
broken economy by attacking a fall guy. (Mumf note:
Saddam, a "fall guy" -- puhlleeeeze!) war is wrong, (Mumf
note: war is necessary at times -- war created this
country) especially when the premise is as flimsy as the
evidence i saw during powell's address yesterday. of
course, with the demonization of others the usa powers
that be have portrayed, they have reason to be paranoid,
as do we all now. if someone other than our leaders
presented that shoddy info, they'd be labeled paranoid and
get a good shot of thorazine. i'm not saying that the
world situation is anywhere near right, however, i for one
need some much better proof than what was presented
yesterday. any halfway decent spin doctor could use this
info ambiguosly. slight of hand should not be being used
as the bush administration has. we americans have been
called terrorists also, and just recently i might add.
remember ruby ridge or waco? these and many other examples
can be made of how our u.s. government can be wrong. (Mumf
note: our government can be wrong -- sheesh, you'd think
it was run by humans!!!) personally? i disbelieve damn
near everything duhhhhbya has ever poot forth. and i pray
we survive his madness and folly til the american people
can rightfully regain the whitehouse and once again become
a beacon to the world,  rather than big brother forcing a
new world order. all you talking head stuffed shirt spin
doctors need to get a clue. you as journalists have a
sacred right and obligation to tell the truth, rather than
perpetuating this crap. get a clue....especially YOU,
cafferty! the position of power over the flock of sleeping
americans you hold can be a terrible thing if you lose
your objectivity. finally, i love my country, and pray it
survives this maddening paranoia, recovers and can thrive
again.
james pocius
vernon, ct

- from Jim Pocius

--
There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward
where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday
morning, at about 11 A.M., regardless of their medical
condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought
that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one
could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred
around 11 A.M. on Sundays. So a worldwide team of experts
was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 A.M., all
doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see
for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other
holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the
clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday
sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support
system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

- from Sue Greene

--
Andy Rooney says,

"As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of
all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the
night to ask, "What
are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she
doesn't sit around
whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And
it's usually
something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in
who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few
women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think
about her or what she's doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming
match with you at the opera or in the middle of an
expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they
won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get
away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to
her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often
ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the
guy with other women. An older woman couldn't care less if
you're attracted to her friends because she knows her
friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess
your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far
sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's
stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of
lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long
enough to know how to please a man in ways her younger
cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you
right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You
don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning,
smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald,
paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

- from Patty "I Love Led Zep" Galvin

--
http://www.defectiveyeti.com/iraqevite/

- from Sandy Fraser

--