[Rhodes22-list] jokes(or could it be the beat of war ?)

[Michael Meltzer]

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Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are
so quick to commit suicide. Lets see now...No beer, No
booze, No bars, No television, No cheerleaders, No
baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf,
No tailgate parties, No hooters, No pork BBQ, No hot-dogs,
No burgers, No lobster, shellfish, or even frozen fish
sticks.

Rags for clothes, towels for hats. Constant whining from
the guy next door because he is sick and there are no
doctors. 24-hour wailing from a guy in the tower.

No chocolate chip cookies, No Christmas, and you can't
shave. Your wife can't shave, you can't shower to wash off
the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses, and veils at all
times. Your bride is picked by someone else, she smells
just like your donkey (Mumf note: and that's with her
pants on!), but your donkey has a better disposition - -
and you can't guess why. Then some schmuck tells you if
you blow yourself up things all get better.

NO MYSTERY HERE

- from Chris Helin

--
A Message from England in Support of the U.S. No matter
what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming
war, this, from an English journalist, is very
interesting. Just a word of background for those of you
who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror. This is a
notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not
supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic. Daily
Mirror By Tony Parsons

September 11, 2002 One year ago, the world witnessed a
unique kind of broadcasting -- the mass murder of
thousands, live on television. As a lesson in the pitiless
cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with
Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal
bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration
camps. An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so
utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one
thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there could be
consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the
perpetrators truly evil. But to the world's eternal shame,
9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance.
Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last
year.

There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in
this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves,
and so much happier than Europeans -- but it has become an
epidemic. And it seems incredible to me. More than that,
it turns my stomach.

America is this country's greatest friend and our
staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture,
language and blood. A little over half a century ago,
around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as
well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon? And exactly
a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children
-- not just Americans, but from dozens of countries --
were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are
we so quick to betray them?

What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin
Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them.
Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's
daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And
these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to
blame for their meticulously planned slaughter? These days
you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul
or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great
Satan. The anti-American alliance is made up of
self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every
ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from
power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do
what it likes without having to ask permission.

The truth is that America has behaved with enormous
restraint since September 11. Remember ... remember ...
remember ... the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men
phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were
burned alive. Remember those people leaping to their
deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the
hundreds of firemen buried alive. Remember the smiling
face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the
planes with her mum. Remember ... remember. And realize
that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything
like the way it could have. So a few al-Qaeda tourists got
locked up without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex
...

So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they
merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of
American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should
stick to confetti. AMERICA could have turned a large chunk
of the world into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign
of strength. American voices are already being raised
against attacking Iraq -- that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence
for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11? How many Islamic
leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of
9/11 was an abomination?

When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those
freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street.
America watched all of that -- and didn't push the button.
We should thank the stars that America is the most
powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible
that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war. Not a "war on
terrorism." A real war. The fundamentalist dudes are
talking about "opening the gates of hell" if America
attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened the gates of
hell like you wouldn't believe. The US is the most
militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of
the earth. The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less
than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be
misconceived. But don't blame America for not bringing
peace and light to these wretched countries. How many
democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim
world? You can count them on the fingers of one hand --
assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor
shoplifting.

I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes
me Bush's poodle. But I would rather be a dog in New York
City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated
because it is what every country wants to be -- rich,
free, strong, open, optimistic. Not ground down by the
past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the
best friend this country ever had and we should start
remembering that. Or do you really think the USA is the
root of all evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and
women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one
of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a
collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of
young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire
Department.

To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam
Hussein. Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds,
tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait.
Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the
orange center, Oh Mighty One! Remember ... remember ...
September 11. One of the greatest atrocities in human
history was committed against America. No, do more than
remember.

Never forget.

- from Kevin "Boy Did I Get My Ass Kicked At Pool Last
Night" Haggerty

--
US lures India with $2.5 b carrot
Support for war to yield oil, rail sops
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

New Delhi, Feb. 21: The United States, soliciting India's
support for its war on Iraq, has offered to pay the $2.5
billion that Baghdad currently owes the government here.
It has also offered a major chunk of the
reconstruction-of-Iraq pie after the war, taking into
account the fact that the Indian Railways and construction
companies had worked in that country earlier.

Oil, of course, remains a major lure with Washington
making it clear to all countries in the world that the
proceeds of war would be shared with those who take a
clear stand supporting it today. France and Germany are
already out of the loop with the products of both
countries now facing an informal boycott by the supporters
of a war in the US.

India has been assured that its oil supply from Iraq will
be protected although, of course, no one is willing to
guarantee that the barrels will be sold at the earlier
throwaway prices.

Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee modified his
categorical stance against a war on Iraq in Himachal
Pradesh when he did not rule out the possibility of
allowing US planes to refuel in India if the situation so
arises.

According to agency reports, the Prime Minister was asked
if his government would allow the United States planes to
refuel, as had been done by the Chandrashekhar government
during the last Iraq-Kuwait war. Vajpayee said the
situation will not arise, and then added that if it did
the government would consider it and take a decision at
that point of time.

India has been one of the main purchasers of Iraqi oil
ever since Saddam Hussein launched his food-for-oil
program. Shiploads of oil have been sent to India by Iraq
with Petroleum Minister Ram Naik being one of the rare
visitors to have a long audience with Saddam.

In fact, officials in the Indian mission in Baghdad were
engaged in ensuring proper docking facilities for an
Indian vessel that had arrived to collect its barrels of
oil when this correspondent visited Iraq in 2002. India
has been worried about the interruption of this valuable
supply but has received a direct assurance from Washington
that its interests in Iraq will not suffer because of a
war.

Foreign Secretary Kanwal Sibal, during a visit to the US
was told clearly by State Department that the interests of
both the US and India could converge after the war and the
removal of Saddam. The Americans have been very persuasive
in convincing friendly governments that the replacement of
Saddam Hussein is a foregone conclusion after a war that
is inevitable.

Kuwait and Qatar have already taken a lead in the
pre-summit deliberations of the Non-Aligned Movement by
rejecting an Iraqi suggestion that member nations should
not allow their territory to be used by the US for the
war.

Interestingly, the US will be participating on the
invitation of host Malaysia. Charles H Twining, who will
be leading the US delegation, has said, .We hope that
members of Nam will look at important political and
economic issues with a more balanced view..

It remains to be seen during the foreign ministers.
deliberations and the summit itself whether there are any
takers for Iraqi envoy Akila al Hashmi's grim reminder to
the delegates at Kuala Lumpur: "This war is just like a
machine and if it is not stopped with Iraq, the American
machine of war will continue rolling over the third world
countries."

- from Srini "FUCK SRINI" Yalavarthy

--
U.S. Senator Robert Byrd, on the floor of the United
States Senate, February 12, 2003

We stand passively mute in the United States Senate,
paralyzed by our own uncertainty, seemingly stunned by the
sheer turmoil of events. Only on the editorial pages of
our newspapers is there much substantive discussion of the
prudence or imprudence of engaging in this particular war.
And this is no small conflagration we contemplate. This is
no simple attempt to defang a villain. No. This coming
battle, if it materializes, represents a turning point in
U.S. foreign policy and possibly a turning point in the
recent history of the world.

This nation is about to embark upon the first test of a
revolutionary doctrine applied in an extraordinary way at
an unfortunate time. The doctrine of preemption -- the
idea that the United States or any other nation can
legitimately attack a nation that is not imminently
threatening ,but may be threatening in the future -- is a
radical new twist on the traditional idea of self defense.
It appears to be in contravention of international law and
the UN Charter. And it is being tested at a time of
world-wide terrorism, making many countries around the
globe wonder if they will soon be on our -- or some other
nation's -- hit list. High level administration figures
recently refused to take nuclear weapons off of the table
when discussing a possible attack against Iraq. What could
be more destabilizing and unwise than this type of
uncertainty, particularly in a world where globalism has
tied the vital economic and security interests of many
nations so closely together? There are huge cracks
emerging in our time-honored alliances, and U.S.
intentions are suddenly subject to damaging worldwide
speculation. Anti-Americanism based on mistrust,
misinformation, suspicion, and alarming rhetoric from U.S.
leaders is fracturing the once solid alliance against
global terrorism which existed after September 11.

Here at home, people are warned of imminent terrorist
attacks with little guidance as to when or where such
attacks might occur. Family members are being called to
active military duty, with no idea of the duration of
their stay or what horrors they may face. Communities are
being left with less than adequate police and fire
protection. Other essential services are also
short-staffed. The mood of the nation is grim. The economy
is stumbling. Fuel prices are rising and may soon spike
higher. This Administration, now in power for a little
over two years, must be judged on its record. I believe
that that record is dismal. In that scant two years, this
Administration has squandered a large projected surplus of
some $5.6 trillion over the next decade and taken us to
projected deficits as far as the eye can see. This
Administration's domestic policy has put many of our
states in dire financial condition, under funding scores
of essential programs for our people. This Administration
has fostered policies which have slowed economic growth.
This Administration has ignored urgent matters such as the
crisis in health care for our elderly. This Administration
has been slow to provide adequate funding for homeland
security. This Administration has been reluctant to better
protect our long and porous borders. In foreign policy,
this Administration has failed to find Osama bin Laden. In
fact, just yesterday we heard from him again marshaling
his forces and urging them to kill. This Administration
has split traditional alliances, possibly crippling, for
all time, International order-keeping entities like the
United Nations and NATO. This Administration has called
into question the traditional worldwide perception of the
United States as well-intentioned, peacekeeper. This
Administration has turned the patient art of diplomacy
into threats, labeling, and name calling of the sort that
reflects quite poorly on the intelligence and sensitivity
of our leaders, and which will have consequences for years
to come.

Calling heads of state pygmies, labeling whole countries
as evil, denigrating powerful European allies as
irrelevant -- these types of crude insensitivities can do
our great nation no good. We may have massive military
might, but we cannot fight a global war on terrorism
alone. We need the cooperation and friendship of our
time-honored allies as well as the newer found friends
whom we can attract with our wealth. Our awesome military
machine will do us little good if we suffer another
devastating attack on our homeland which severely damages
our economy. Our military manpower is already stretched
thin and we will need the augmenting support of those
nations who can supply troop strength, not just sign
letters cheering us on.

The war in Afghanistan has cost us $37 billion so far, yet
there is evidence that terrorism may already be starting
to regain its hold in that region. We have not found bin
Laden, and unless we secure the peace in Afghanistan, the
dark dens of terrorism may yet again flourish in that
remote and devastated land.

Pakistan as well is at risk of destabilizing forces. This
Administration has not finished the first war against
terrorism and yet it is eager to embark on another
conflict with perils much greater than those in
Afghanistan.

Is our attention span that short? Have we not learned that
after winning the war one must always secure the peace?

And yet we hear little about the aftermath of war in Iraq.
In the absence of plans, speculation abroad is rife. Will
we seize Iraq's oil fields, becoming an occupying power
which controls the price and supply of that nation's oil
for the foreseeable future?

To whom do we propose to hand the reigns of power after
Saddam Hussein? Will our war inflame the Muslim world
resulting in devastating attacks on Israel? Will Israel
retaliate with its own nuclear arsenal? Will the Jordanian
and Saudi Arabian governments be toppled by radicals,
bolstered by Iran which has much closer ties to terrorism
than Iraq?

Could a disruption of the world's oil supply lead to a
world-wide recession?

Has our senselessly bellicose language and our callous
disregard of the interests and opinions of other nations
increased the global race to join the nuclear club and
made proliferation an even more lucrative practice for
nations which need the income? In only the space of two
short years this reckless and arrogant Administration has
initiated policies which may reap disastrous consequences
for years.

One can understand the anger and shock of any President
after the savage attacks of September 11. One can
appreciate the frustration of having only a shadow to
chase and an amorphous, fleeting enemy on which it is
nearly impossible to exact retribution. But to turn one's
frustration and anger into the kind of extremely
destabilizing and dangerous foreign policy debacle that
the world is currently witnessing is inexcusable from any
Administration charged with the awesome power and
responsibility of guiding the destiny of the greatest
superpower on the planet. Frankly many of the
pronouncements made by this Administration are outrageous.
There is no other word.

Yet this chamber is hauntingly silent. On what is possibly
the eve of horrific infliction of death and destruction on
the population of the nation of Iraq -- a population, I
might add, of which over 50% is under age 15 this chamber
is silent. On what is possibly only days before we send
thousands of our own citizens to face unimagined horrors
of chemical and biological warfare -- this chamber is
silent. On the eve of what could possibly be a vicious
terrorist attack in retaliation for our attack on Iraq, it
is business as usual in the United States Senate. We are
truly "sleepwalking through history." In my heart of
hearts I pray that this great nation and its good and
trusting citizens are not in for a rudest of awakenings.

To engage in war is always to pick a wild card. And war
must always be a last resort, not a first choice. I truly
must question the judgment of any President who can say
that a massive unprovoked military attack on a nation
which is over 50% children is "in the highest moral
traditions of our country". This war is not necessary at
this time. Pressure appears to be having a good result in
Iraq. Our mistake was to put ourselves in a corner so
quickly. Our challenge is to now find a graceful way out
of a box of our own making.

Perhaps there is still a way if we allow more time.

- from Jay Pocius

--
BUSH AND OSAMA DECIDED TO SETTLE THE WAR ONCE AND FOR ALL.
THEY SAT DOWN AND DECIDED TO SETTLE THE WHOLE DISPUTE WITH
ONE DOG FIGHT. THEY WOULD HAVE 5 YEARS TO BREED THE BEST
FIGHTING DOG IN THE WORLD.

OSAMA FOUND THE BIGGEST, MEANEST DOBERMAN AND ROTTWEILER
FEMALE DOGS IN THE WORLD AND BRED THEM WITH THE MEANEST
SIBERIAN WOLVES. THEY SELECTED ONLY THE BIGGEST AND
STRONGEST PUPPY FROM THE LITTER AND REMOVED HIS SIBLINGS,
WHICH GAVE HIM ALL THE MILK.

AFTER 5 YEARS THEY CAME UP WITH THE BIGGEST, MEANEST DOG
THE WORLD HAD EVER SEEN. ITS CAGE NEEDED STEEL BARS THAT
WERE 5 INCHES THICK AND NOBODY COULD GET NEAR IT.

WHEN THE DAY CAME FOR THE DOG FIGHT, BUSH SHOWED UP WITH A
STRANGE LOOKING ANIMAL. IT WAS A 9 FOOT LONG DACHSHUND.
EVERYONE FELT SORRY FOR BUSH BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY THAT
THIS DOG COULD POSSIBLY LAST 10 SECONDS WITH THE
AFGHANISTANI DOG.

WHEN THE CAGES WERE OPENED UP, THE DACHSHUND CAME OUT OF
IT'S CAGE AND SLOWLY WADDLED OVER TOWARDS OSAMA'S DOG.
OSAMA'S DOG SNARLED AND LEAPED OUT OF IT'S CAGE AND
CHARGED THE AMERICAN DACHSHUND--BUT WHEN IT GOT CLOSE
ENOUGH TO BITE, THE DACHSHUND OPENED IT'S MOUTH AND
CONSUMED OSAMA'S DOG IN ONE BITE. THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT
OF HIS DOG AT ALL.

OSAMA CAME UP TO BUSH, SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISBELIEF. "WE
DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED. WE HAD OUR
BEST PEOPLE WORKING FOR 5 YEARS WITH THE MEANEST DOBERMAN
AND ROTTWEILER FEMALE DOGS IN THE WORLD AND THE BIGGEST,
MEANEST SIBERIAN WOLVES."

"THAT'S NOTHING," SAID BUSH. "WE HAD THE BEST PLASTIC
SURGEONS WORKING FOR 5 YEARS TO MAKE THAT ALLIGATOR LOOK
LIKE A WEENIE DOG."

GOD BLESS AMERICA

- from Jimi Pocius

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