[Rhodes22-list] jokes,,, cause we need em...it's cold

[Alex Bell]

 A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for 
 Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices 
 immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, 
 too. 
 He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black 
 eyes! 
 The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue 
 twister accident. 
 See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous 
 blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was 
 there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to 
 Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, I'd like two pickets 
 to Tittsburgh,' and she socked me a good one." 
 The first guy replies, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine 
 was a tongue twister, too! I was at the breakfast table 
 and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl 
 of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You 
 ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed 
 bitch.'" 

================================================================================
Subject: New Cowboy Boots . . .

An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Austin, Texas. 

Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale
one
day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. 

He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different
about me?" 
Bessie looks him over, "Nope." 

Frustrated Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
into
the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT
NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down
today,
it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow!!" 

Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? 
IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!" 

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam ------- ya Shoulda 
bought a hat. 

=======================================================================================

Subject: Adam and a rib

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. 

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have
anyone
to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that
it
would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for
you,
and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag
you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had
a
disagreement. She will praise you! 

She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle
of the night to take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion
whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history......................