[Rhodes22-list] jokes,,, cause we need em...it's cold

[Steve Alm]

Great one Alex! :-)

On 1/16/03 8:25 PM, "Alex Bell" <alexbell@coastalnet.com> wrote:

> A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for
> Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices
> immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye,
> too. 
> He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black
> eyes! 
> The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue
> twister accident.
> See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous
> blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was
> there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to
> Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, I'd like two pickets
> to Tittsburgh,' and she socked me a good one."
> The first guy replies, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine
> was a tongue twister, too! I was at the breakfast table
> and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl
> of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You
> ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed
> bitch.'" 
> 
> ==============================================================================
> ==
> Subject: New Cowboy Boots . . .
> 
> An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Austin, Texas.
> 
> Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale
> one
> day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
> 
> He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different
> about me?" 
> Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
> 
> Frustrated Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
> into
> the room completely naked except for the boots.
> 
> Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT
> NOW?"
> Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down
> today,
> it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again
> tomorrow!!" 
> 
> Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?
> IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"
> 
> To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam ------- ya Shoulda
> bought a hat. 
> 
> ==============================================================================
> =========
> 
> Subject: Adam and a rib
> 
> Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
> 
> So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have
> anyone
> to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that
> it
> would be a woman.
> 
> He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for
> you,
> and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
> 
> She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag
> you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had
> a
> disagreement. She will praise you!
> 
> She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle
> of the night to take care of them.
> 
> "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
> passion
> whenever you need it."
> 
> Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
> 
> God replied, "An arm and a leg."
> 
> Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
> 
> Of course the rest is history......................
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