[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[Bill Effros]

What is a  Yankee? 
        The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. 
 
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? 
         The position of the dirt bag. 

Why is  divorce so expensive? 
        Because it's worth it. 

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? 
        Doughnuts. 
 
Why is air a lot like sex? 
        Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. 

What do attorneys use for birth control? 
        Their personalities. 
 
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 
        45 lbs. 

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 
        45 minutes. 

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? 
        Through his chest with a sharp knife. 
 
Why do men want to marry virgins? 
        They can't stand criticism. 
 
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are  sensitive, caring, 
and good-looking? 
        Because those men already have boyfriends. 

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? 
        After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 
 
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? 
        A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. 
 
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? 
        Mace will do that to you. 
 
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? 
        Everyone has the same DNA. 
 
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 
        Breasts don't have eyes. 
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? 
        He walks around saying "Yo." 
 
Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use  the car only
on 
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 
        Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 
 
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? 
        A different bar. 
 
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter  than the
other? 
        A speech impediment. 
 
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is  flying at
half-mast? 
        They're hiring. 

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a  northern zoo? 
        A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front  of
the 
cage along with... "a recipe." 
 
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the  F word? 
        Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell   *BINGO*! 
 
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a  southern
fairytale? 
        A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a  time..."    
        A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this
shit..."