[Rhodes22-list] what about some jokes on a slow day

[Michael Meltzer]

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: (1) All the DNA is
the same, and (2) There are no dental records.

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Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He is
on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat
of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car
lot is closed, so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you
two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," says one of the ladies, "we purchased the car this
afternoon."

"Well," says the cop, "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," replies the other little old lady. "And besides we are
waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed."

 - from Patty Galvin

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Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom asks Eric
what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's
questions women ask. Now I'm in trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Tom.

"My wife asked if I'd still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will.'"

"Yeah," said Eric, "Right, except I said 'Of course I do.

 - from Sue Greene

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http://www.elfrigo.org/flash/chowmein.htm

 - from Kevin Haggerty

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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten
husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be
gentle, I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten
times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great
it's going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really
sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get
back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked
out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in
Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he
would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the
basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a
new state-of-the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but
he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing;
although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8
was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a
gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector;
all he ever did was ......God I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're a Tax Auditor... this time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

 - from John Raso

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