[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in
College Station, TX, awaiting their flights. One is an Alabama Coushatta
Indian passing through from Cut N Shoot, TX. Another is a cowboy on his way
to Ft. Worth, TX for a livestock show and the third passenger is a
fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Texas A&M University from the
Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon the two Westerners
learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls
into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots
on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his
face. The wind outside is blowing, and the old windsock is flapping; but
still no plane comes.

Finally, the Indian clears his throat and softly speaks, "At one time here,
my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were
few," he sneers, "but now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Texas cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the
darkness beneath his Stetson says in his twingy twangy Texas drawl, "That's
'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's
a-comin'."

 - from Dave Cooley

--
Mumf, for all of the bleeding heart "oh, we're so sorry to have offended
your Muslim sensibilities" people out there outraged by the recent pictures
and developments in Iraq, I say "Get Real". The pictures obviously point out
that we have a few dopes in the US Military, and that their behavior runs
100% counter to what we are trying to do and actually accomplishing over
there, but they are not photos of prisoner abuse.

Prisoner abuse is what they did to Pvt. Jessica Lynch, where they broke both
her legs and beat her silly during her captivity. Take a look at what they
did to Daniel Perl, slashing his neck on camera. Where's the liberal outrage
from those? Take a look at the photos from a couple of weeks ago of
Americans hanging from bridges, having been burned and dragged through the
streets of Iraq, and then tell me that a woman pointing at a man's crotch is
abuse. "Oh, but being photographed naked is a strict taboo" - - Too fucking
bad. Tell me the recent photos you've seen are "abuse" and you don't have
any idea about reality - - especially the reality of war, and of dealing
with those "insurgents" (and why don't we use the right word - - murderers,
thugs, terrorists?).

I'll also tell you that your leading civil libertarian cheerleader, Harvard
Law professor Alan Dershowitz, actually argued that the torture of terrorist
suspects was legal under the U.S. Constitution and should be employed when a
suspect refused to divulge information about potentially deadly terrorist
plots.

Quoting:
"Is it justified to resort to unconventional techniques such as truth serum,
moderate physical pressure and outright torture?" Dershowitz asked in a Nov.
8, 2001, Los Angeles Times op-ed piece. "The constitutional answer to this
question may surprise people who are not familiar with the current U.S.
Supreme Court interpretation of the 5th Amendment privilege against
self-incrimination," he wrote. "Any interrogation technique, including the
use of truth serum or even torture, is not prohibited," the noted civil
libertarian insisted.

Dershowitz explained that while evidence obtained through torture could not
be used in a criminal prosecution, it "could be used against that suspect in
a non-criminal case - such as a deportation hearing - or against someone
else."

Since there was no constitutional ban against torture, he argued, the U.S.
courts could issue torture warrants in cases where terrorist suspects
refused to talk.

"What if [torture was] limited to the rare 'ticking bomb' case - the
situation in which a captured terrorist who knows of an imminent large-scale
threat refuses to disclose it?" posited Dershowitz. "Would torturing one
guilty terrorist to prevent the deaths of a thousand innocent civilians
shock the conscience of all decent people?"

With the wreckage of Ground Zero still smoldering, few if any Americans, he
said, would object.
Likewise, Newsweek mega-liberal Jonathan Alter argued that it was time to
take the gloves off with enemy detainees. "It's a new world, and survival
may well require old techniques that seemed out of the question," he wrote
the same week Dershowitz spoke out. "In this autumn of anger, even a liberal
can find his thoughts turning to ... torture." "Couldn't we at least subject
[al-Qaida suspects] to psychological torture?" Alter wondered plaintively.
"How about truth serum, administered with a mandatory IV? Or deportation to
Saudi Arabia, land of beheadings?"

"Some torture clearly works," he noted. "Jordan broke the most notorious
terrorist of the 1980s, Abu Nidal, by threatening his family. Philippine
police reportedly helped crack the 1993 World Trade Center bombings [plus a
plot to crash 11 U.S. airliners and kill the pope] by convincing a suspect
that they were about to turn him over to the Israelis.

"Then there's painful Islamic justice," the Newsweek writer added, "which
has the added benefit of greater acceptance among Muslims."

 - from Dave Houpert

--
http://www.cafeshops.com/warposter

 - from Peter Kent

--
IT'S HARD TO BE A REPUBLICAN IN 2004

Somehow, you have to believe that:

 1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.
 2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.
 3. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.
 4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind
without regulation.
 5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.
 6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
 7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.
 8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
 9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.
10. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.
12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.
13. It is okay that the Bush family has done $millions of business with the
Bin Laden family.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands
die is solid defense policy.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's Harken Oil stock trade are none of our business.
18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
21. Affirmative Action is wrong but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends
to get you into Yale, the Texas Air National Guard, Harvard Business School,
part ownership of Harken Oil, part ownership of the Texas Rangers, the
Governorship of Texas, and then have the Supreme Court appoint you President
of the USA.

 - from Jay Pocius, a staunch Republican that even Fred Frost would pale
next to!