[Rhodes22-list] WP Annual Neologism Contes

[Peter Thorn]

In case you haven't seen this . . .

I laughed so hard I cried.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
 Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.

And the winners are:
 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.


And a few additions of my own. These aren't nearly as funny as those above,
but it's fun just to think them up.  Give it a try and then share the
results, if you will.  I love this sort of thing.

17. Consecrated (adj.), mass-produced coffins

18. Minimum (n.), a small mother

19. Contact (n.), prison manners

20. Defunct (adj.), cheered up

21. Celeriac (n.), someone who's crazy about celery

22. Damselfish (adj.), extremely self-centered

23. Bastard (n.), a custard that has gone bad

24. Debate (v.), to remove a worm from a fishing hook

25. Decade (n.), a wood preservative

26. Decrease (v.), to smooth out wrinkles

27. Submissive (n.), a letter written by a submarine crewman

28. Coffer (n.), one who coughs

29. Default (v.), to improve something

30. Supervisor (n.), a large-billed cap worn by croupiers

31. Agnation (n.), a paternalistic country

32. Agoraphobia (n.), the fear of mutant goats

33. Daguerrotype (n.), a kind of small knife