[Rhodes22-list] Aviation Humor

[brad haslett]

Since were on a aviation humor roll, here's some more.
 This is old stuff but some of you may not have heard
it before. Brad

AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE WRITE-UPS AND CORRECTIVE ACTION
TAKEN

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the
corrective action recorded by mechanics. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident so their maintenance program
must be producing reliable vehicles.


(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the
log, and S stands for the corrective action taken by
the mechanics). The note related to "no. 3 engine"
is for those accustomed to large, dark buildings with
no windows and a 3-letter address starting with "Z .
."

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4
propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a
piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine
was not running smoothly).
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.




		
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