[Rhodes22-list] Hey Slim, This News Just in from MN

[Steve Alm]

Hilarious, Brad.  Thank you.  I don't know if you've ever tried lutefisk but
I think its desecration is long overdue.  You have to be careful however if
you throw it in the water, it can explode.

Slim

P.S.  I grew up in Mankato and played many a gig in Lake Okoboji.  8-)



On 5/19/05 4:19 PM, "brad haslett" <flybrad at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Newsweek Lutefisk Story Sparks Fury Across Volatile
> Midwest
> 
> Decorah, IA - The debris-strewn streets of this remote
> Midwestern hamlet remain under a tense 24-hour curfew
> tonight, following weekend demonstrations by rock- and
> figurine-throwing Lutheran farm wives that left over
> 200 people injured and leveled the Whippy Dip dairy
> freeze. The rioting appeared to be prompted, in part,
> by a report in Newsweek magazine claiming military
> guards at Spirit Lake?s notorious Okoboji internment
> center had flushed lutefisk down prison toilets.
> Newsweek?s late announcement of a retraction seems to
> have done little to quell the inflamed passions of
> Lutheran insurgents in the region, as outbreaks of
> violent mailbox bashings and cow tippings have been
> reported from Bowbells, North Dakota to Pekin,
> Illinois.
> 
> Whether the violence was triggered by Newsweek?s
> report of lutefisk desecration or frustration over
> chronic shortages of Beanie Babies and Old Style, one
> thing seems certain ? occupying U.S. troops face a
> steep road to reestablish trust in this tinderbox of
> ancient hatreds and delicious dairy products. Some
> analysts say the latest outbreak represents the most
> vexing challenge to US strategy since its invasion the
> region three years ago.
> 
> ?It could be months before we get the area back under
> control,? said Brigadier Gen. Glen Hastings of the US
> Army?s Southern Minnesota Command. ?We?re hoping the
> tractor pull and swap meet seasons will help calm down
> some of the violent elements.?
> 
> ?Campground of Evil?
> 
> Military efforts to stabilize the violent ethnic
> Protestantism of the region have had a mixed record of
> success. U.S. paratroopers first landed along the
> Iowa/Minnesota border in early 2002 to root out
> extremist Uff Da militants, followers of the
> charismatic Lutheran cleric Pastor Duane Gunderson.
> Despite fears of being bogged down in the harsh
> Mankato winter, troops encountered little resistance,
> save sporadic eggings from ill-equipped insurgents
> atop the grain elevators of local cornlords. U.S.
> forces achieved swift success, taking as many as 1,500
> Lutheran rebels into custody and bringing a momentary
> measure of stability to what has long been considered
> a dangerous Scandinavian backwater.
> 
> The initial battlefield victories, however, have since
> proven to be only the beginning of the American
> struggle here. The subsequent occupation created a
> number of difficult challenges critics claim were
> overlooked by the White House?s top Midwest war
> planners. The tipping point seems to have been a 2004
> incident at the now notorious Okoboji.
> 
> First constructed as a boredom punishment camp for
> Midwest dissident youth, the US Military Command
> converted the sprawling Arnold?s Park / Lake Okoboji
> area into an internment facility to house insurgent
> detainees. Almost immediately stories began to surface
> of prisoner mistreatment, including vivisections, anal
> probes by extraterrestrial strippers, and blackouts of
> Viking games.
> 
> American military spokesmen initially dismissed the
> stories, but several news organizations ? led by
> Newsweek ? obtained a series of shocking photos of a
> Texas Army Reservist, Tyffanie Cruddup, laughing as
> she humiliates a naked inmate by putting a Dallas
> Cowboys stocking hat on his head.
> 
> The photos sent the Lutheran street into riots as far
> as Rheinlander, Wisconsin, and sent shockwaves
> throughout the media world. The incident received
> heavy play on network and cable news, the New York
> Times, Washington Post, Le Monde, the Guardian,
> Packers Illustrated, and was the subject of over a
> dozen off-Broadway dramas during the 2004 season. For
> its part, Newsweek ran a record eight consecutive
> covers on Okoboji, along with a special commemorative
> November 3 collector?s issue with pull-out humiliation
> poster.
> 
> Luting and Looting
> 
> In the wake of the incident, American military
> spokespeople have taken pains to defend handling of
> prisoners at Okoboji. A series of new guidelines
> instruct guards to ?respect the rituals and traditions
> of our valued Lutheran prison guests,? including
> ?dietary needs, Wednesday Nite Bingo, and twice daily
> viewing of Wheel of Fortune.?
> 
> ?It is important that we remember that Lutheranism is
> a religion of peace,? said Army spokesman Maj. Richard
> Lehrman. ?And we need to remember to avoid insensitive
> behavior and remarks that will cause these peaceful
> Lutherans to go on another bloody killing rampage.?
> 
> Despite officials? claims of intensified sensitivity,
> rumors have persisted of continued prisoner abuse at
> Okoboji, including lutefisk desecration ? an
> especially heinous crime under Lutheran doctrine. Some
> analysts have viewed the rumors skeptically, pointing
> to the Uff Da insurgent training manual ?How To Lie
> About Lutefisk Desecration By Infidels.? Still, dozens
> of news organizations continue to investigate the
> charges.
> 
> In its May 6 ?Midwest Quagmire Wire? section, Newsweek
> appeared to have confirmed the lutefisk rumors.
> Bylined by Senior Correspondent Michael Isikoff, the
> magazine cited an unidentified source claiming that
> Okoboji guards had deliberately flushed an entire
> batch of the pungent cod-and-lye concoction that
> prisoners had been aging in a specially prepared
> commode. ?The guard smelled it and thought it was
> prison burrito night,? the source was quoted as
> saying.
> 
> News of the desecration spread quickly from Iowa to
> the Dakotas to Minnesota and Wisconsin, fanned by
> radio soybean reports and Lutheran clerics in fiery
> pancake breakfast sermons. Soon, enraged farm wives,
> clad in their traditional sweater vests and Disney
> jackets, had taken to the streets and begun a wild
> spree of destruction, overturning hundreds of rusty
> Blazers and Pontiac Grand Ams and hurling flaming
> Lladro porcelain figurines. Decorah was particularly
> hard-hit, as a frenzied throng of ululating Iowa women
> were seen looting needlepoint geese and rabbit
> tchotchkes from a Victorian craft shop. In a chilling
> moment caught on Army night vision cameras, their
> plus-size leader urges the mob to attack the near-by
> Pamida.
> 
> ?Ya, you betcha!? came the chant of her enraged
> coreligionist.
> 
> After battling back the women with volleys of teargas
> and Land?s End catalogs, a detachment of California
> reservists finally quelled the riot early Sunday
> morning, and attended to the injured.
> 
> Fake But Not Completely Implausible
> 
> As soldiers patrolled the streets of Decorah,
> Faribault and La Crosse Sunday, Newsweek Editor Mark
> Whitaker issued a surprising, terse clarification of
> the original story, saying that the magazine could ?no
> longer vouch for every detail of the story, including
> the brand of lye used, the number of soldiers and
> prisoners present, or possibly whether any of it
> actually happened.?
> 
> Whitaker, however, declined to retract the story,
> saying that the magazine was ?standing behind its
> essential plausibility.?
> 
> ?Obviously, if it causes thousands of native gals go
> on a berserk looting rampage, there?s got to be
> something believable in there somewhere,? said
> Whitaker. ?Obviously, it?s now up to the
> Administration and the DoD to disprove these charges,
> once they finish cleaning up the carnage.?
> 
> In a later and terser clarification, Whitaker said
> that the magazine?s anonymous source could no longer
> remember whether he had ever been to Iowa, was in the
> military, or knew how to pronounce ?lutefisk.? In a
> still-later, and yet-terser clarification, Whitaker
> finally retracted the story after revealing that its
> anonymous source was Kippy, Michael Isikoff?s
> imaginary childhood friend.
> 
> ?This is a really unfortunate accident for everybody,?
> said Whitaker. ?But let?s not forget the real victims
> here ? Newsweek, Mike Isikoff, and especially Kippy.?
> 
> While retracting the Okoboji accusations, Whitaker
> said Newsweek stood by the original article?s final
> two sentences, ?Boo-yah! In your FACE, Chimpy!?
> 
> Despite the Newsweek?s humiliating public retraction
> of the controversial lutefisk abuse charges, tensions
> remain high across the upper Midwest. Many here
> discount the retraction as being coerced by White
> House ?crusaders,? and believe that other abuses are
> being covered up at Okoboji.
> 
> ?Oh yahh, I tell ya what, dere?s a lotta bad stuff
> goin? on in dat outfit over dere,? said a young
> Decorah cleric who identified himself only as ?Pastor
> Doug.? ?I heard dem infidels are switchin? da
> prisoner?s Leinies with Schlitz.?
> 
> 
> --- Steve Alm <salm at mn.rr.com> wrote:
>> Right you are, Tom.  And only a little watering and
>> some fertilizer (manure)
>> required.
>> 
>> On 5/19/05 3:13 PM, "SVTRITON at aol.com"
>> <SVTRITON at aol.com> wrote:
>> 
>>> the american people listened and planted 2 Bushes
>> in the white house
>>> tom
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