[Rhodes22-list] Next Week's Headlines (Political)

[Herb Parsons]

Texas Was Ready, Leaders Respond

Hurricane Rita tore through the Texas Gulf coast, leaving a path of destruction from Galveston to the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex in north Texas; however, this time the government - local, state, and federal, was prepared. Although physical damage to properties was extensive, the government response at all levels was prompt, orderly, and effective. Democratic leaders and other celebrities were quick to respond:

New York Senator Hillary Clinton (D) - While it's good to see that the President has learned something from his past failures, had I been in office, I wouldn't have made those mistakes to begin with. We need experienced people in these positions of responsibility, and I, as a single term carpetbagger NY Senator would have made better choices. Trust me.

Former Anchorman Dan Rather - It's gratifying to see that the recent news coverage of hurricane Katrina was effective in forcing all levels of government to be better prepared for disasters such as this. In the near future, you will probably hear assertions by politically motivated individuals in Texas that they've been prepared for such an event for years, but don't believe them. People make things up, you know. 

Massachusetts Senator John F. Kerry (D) - Had this country elected me to that office, as they should have, my response would have been bigger and better than what's his name's. I would have had to have been bigger and better, because my hurricanes, both of them would have been bigger and better. I won't go into the details of what my plan would have been, but when the people elect me to office in 2008, I will reveal my plans in detail.

9th Grade Educated entertainer Cher - This moron of a president obviously was faking us out when he pretended he was unprepared during the last storm. There's no way that idiot could possibly have learned a lesson that quickly. Wanna see my new tattoo?

Nation of Islam Minister Louis Farrakhan - I have it on good authority that this white slave-trading nation has developed secret weather induction machines that cause hurricanes and other weather events to attack the black population of large cities throughout the south, much as they destroyed the levees in New Orleans to oppress my people. Our superior race will rise above this outrage, overcome our overseer oppressors, and seek revenge. Please, don't forget to donate on your street corners.

Former President Bill Clinton - I did not have sex with that woman. Oh, you said Rita? I thought you were asking about Monica.

DNC Chairman Howard Dean - Aaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh, no wait, I mean, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Herb Parsons

S/V O'Jure
  1976 O'Day 25
  Lake Grapevine, N TX

S/V Reve de Papa
  1971 Coronado 35
  Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana Coast