[Rhodes22-list] Idiotic People Rant

[Brad Haslett]

Slim,

Actually, I've been dealing with Fatima and her friends from Earthlink the
last few days.  They've been calling from India three times a day to try and
sell me telephone service.  What part of no do these people not understand?
Yesterday, after the third no, Fatima, or Sasha, or whoever, asked if they
could speak to the 'lady of the house'.  NO!  Your problems obviously cut
across cultural lines.

I think it was Einstein who said "never underestimate the power of
ignorance".

Maybe you should start taking their ten bucks and then play something really
embarrassing, perhaps dedicating the song to some fictional person.  They
are going to pissed anyway - you'll be ten bucks richer and will have some
fun.

Brad


On 10/8/06, Slim <salm at mn.rr.com> wrote:
>
> As many of you know I sing and play the piano for a living.  I always take
> requests and try my best to accommodate everyone.  I've been doing this a
> long time and I know thousands of songs.  It's not that I can't be
> stumped--nobody knows every song--but if I don't know your request I might
> know another song by the same artist or maybe another song in the same
> vein
> or at least a song "with a lot of the same notes."
>
> When someone asks for a song I don't know I just say, "Sorry, I don't know
> that one.  What else can I do for you?"  But tonight something happened
> that's happened countless times--maybe hundreds of times and it never
> ceases
> to amaze me.  The conversation goes like this:
>
> "Hey, play 'such and such'!"
>
> "Sorry, I've never even heard of that one.  Who's it by?"
>
> "It's by 'so and so'.
>
> "I've never heard of them."
>
> "Sure you have, it's 'so and so'.
>
> "Sorry, don't know it."
>
> "Sure you do--play it!"
>
> "No really.  I don't know that one--never heard of it."
>
> "Play it anyway!"   (That's my favorite comeback.)
>
> "I can't.  I've never heard it."
>
> "Here's ten bucks--now play it!"   (Actually a legitimate strategy on his
> part because of course I pay more attention to ten-dollar requests.)
>
> "You could give me a hundred bucks but I still don't know it."
>
> "How can you NOT know 'such and such'?"  (This question always baffles me.
> I never know how to answer that one.)
>
> "Well, I guess because I suck?"
>
> "You call yourself a professional and you DON'T know 'such and such'?"
>
> "I'm not a real professional.  I'm just filling in tonight for someone
> that
> called in sick.  I'm really a truck driver."  (You have to admire my
> patience.)
>
> "PLEEEEASE PLAY IT!"
>
> "Honestly, I'd love to play it for you if I could but I've never heard of
> it
> and I just don't know it.  Sorry, is there another song you like that I
> can
> do?"
>
> "No.  I want 'such and such' and if you don't play it right now I'm gonna
> complain to the manager.  I gave you ten bucks to play it!"
>
> "Money-back guarantee or in-store credit.  How about a Beatles song or
> some
> Rolling Stones?"
>
> "No!  I want 'such and such'.
>
> "How about some Van Morrison or Jimmy Buffet?"
>
> "No!  Play my song!"     ...etc., etc., etc.
>
> Well, you get the idea.  Here's an erect-walking homo sapien, native
> English-speaker who is obviously a few slices of baloney short of a whole
> sandwich.  I've had this exact exchange so many times I can't count, and
> still I'm always stunned at the idiocy of some of these people who are out
> walking around and are allowed to have sharp objects.  Nothing much
> rattles
> me anymore on the job but I'm still amazed and amused when it happens
> again
> and again.
>
> Thanks for reading my 4 am apres Saturday night gig rant.
>
> What idiots have you encountered?
>
> Slim
>
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