[Rhodes22-list] Tool definitions

[elle]

John...Am I that transparent! I really did think I'd
have to do some corrective work with Rummy after that
post!
(BTW...it was funnY!)

elle


--- john Belanger <jhnblngr at yahoo.com> wrote:

> good chuckle. elle won't like the references to
> women but otherwise great, especially the bolt
> extractor. thanks
> 
> R22RumRunner at aol.com wrote:  These are things you
> know how to use but never knew they had perfect 
> definitions.
> > 
> > 
> > DRILL PRESS:
> > A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
> snatching
> > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
> smacks
> > you in the chest and flings your beer across the
> room,
> > splattering it against that freshly stained
> heirloom
> > piece you were drying.
> > 
> > WIRE WHEEL:
> 
> > Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
> somewhere
> > under the workbench at the speed of light. Also
> removes
> > fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from
> > fingers in about the time it takes you to say.....
> > "Oh sh--!!!"
> > 
> > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
> > Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
> holes
> > until you die of old age.
> > 
> > SKILL SAW:
> > A portable cutting tool used to make studs too
> short.
> > 
> > PLIERS:
> > Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in
> the
> > creation of blood-blisters.< BR>
> > NOTE: Most often the tool used by all women.
> > 
> > BELT SANDER:
> > An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert
> minor
> > touchup jobs into major refinishing projects.
> > 
> > HACKSAW:
> > One of a family of cutting tools built on the
> Ouija
> > Board principle. It transforms human energy into a
> > crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
> attempt
> > to influence its course, the more dismal your
> future
> > becomes.
> > 
> > VISE-GRIPS:
> > Generally used after pliers to completely round
> off
> > bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can
> also
> > be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
> palm of
> > your hand.
> > 
> > WELDING GLOVES:
> > Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the
> conductor
> > of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> > 
> > OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
> > Used almost entirely for lighting various
> flammable
> > objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for
> igniting
> > the grease inside the wheel hub you want the race
> out of.
> > 
> > WHITWORTH SOCKET S: 
> > Once used for working on older British cars and
> > motorcycles, they are now used mainly for
> impersonating
> > that 9/16 or socket you've been searching for the
> last
> > 45 minutes.
> > 
> > TABLE SAW:
> > A large stationary power tool commonly used to
> launch
> > wood projectiles for testing wall integrity and
> operator
> > reflexes/dodging capabilities.
> > 
> > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> > Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
> after you
> > have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the
> jack
> > handle firmly under the bumper.
> > 
> > EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
> > Used for levering an automobile upward off of a
> trapped
> > hydraulic jack handle.
> > 
> > TWEEZERS:
> > A tool for removing all types of wood splinters
> (see
> > EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4) and wire wheel
> debris.
> > 
> > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
> > A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit
> that
> > snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any
> > possible future use.
> > 
> > RADIAL ARM SAW:
> > A large stationary power saw primarily used by
> most shops
> > to scare beginners into choosing another line of
> work.
> > 
> > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
> > A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
> > everything you forgot to disconnect.
> > 
> > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
> > A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an
> accurately
> > machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the
> handle.
> > 
> > AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
> > See hacksaw.
> > 
> > TROUBLE LIGHT:
> > The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes
> called
> > a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D
> (the
> > sunshine vitamin), which is not otherwise found
> under
> > cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main
> purpose
> > is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the
> same rate
> > that 105 mm howitzer shells might be used during,
> say,
> > the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.
> More
> > often dark than light, its name is somewhat
> misleading.
> > 
> > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> > Normally used to stab the vacuum s eals under lids
> and
> > for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and 
> > splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
> as
> > the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
> heads.
> > 
> > NOTE: Women excel at using this tool.
> > 
> > STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
> > A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
> convert
> > common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
> > 
> > AIR COMPRESSOR:
> > A machine that takes energy produced in a
> coal-burning
> > power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
> > compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago
> > Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusted bolts
> which
> > were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone
> at Ford,
> > and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to
> quickly
> > snap off lug nuts.
> > 
> > PRY BAR:
> > A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that
> clip
> > or bracket you needed to remove in order to
> replace a
> > 50 cent part.
> > 
> > HOSE CUTTER:
> > A tool used to make hoses too short.
> > 
> > HAMMER:
> > Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
> > nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to
> locate
> > the most expensive parts adjacent the object we
> are
> > trying to hit.
> > 
> > NOTE: Women primarily use it to make gaping holes
> in
> > walls when hanging pictures.
> > 
> > MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
> > Used to open and slice through the contents of
> > cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;
> works
> > particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl
> > records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
> > magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
> parts.
> > 
> > NOTE: Especially useful for slicing work clothes,
> but
> > only while in use.
> > 
> > DAMMIT TOOL:
> > Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
> > garage while yelling "DAMMIT!!" at the top of your
> > lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that
> you
> > will need.
> 
> 
> 
> 
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We can't change the angle of the wind....but we can adjust our sails.

 1992 Rhodes 22   Recyc '06  "WaterMusic"   (Lady in Red)


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