[Rhodes22-list] Good for a laugh of two....

[elle]

Thought these should be spread around...

elle

Something to start your day with a laugh.

"Old Hollywood Squares  

If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its
comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These
great questions and answers are from the days when "
Hollywood Squares" game show responses were
spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull,
as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking
the questions, of course. 
 


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under
water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least
how high should you be? 
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000
years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes. 


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger
at a party and you  think that he is attractive, is it
okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to
say "I Love You"? 
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple
and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get
Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from
the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or
less with your hands while talking? 
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll 
never forget. 


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. 
Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the
other? 

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or
in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in
the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you
give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong
with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your
body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly
isn't neglected. 


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head,  what was he trying to do? 

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for
its sex? 
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is
up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on at
least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you
should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.







We can't change the angle of the wind....but we can adjust our sails.


 
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