[Rhodes22-list] Christmas with Louise - humor

[Herb Parsons]

I loved it when the teachers wore skirts to calls in the 70's.

We had this one teacher that was about 5'2" (you weren't around back 
then, were you Elle?) She usually had the board filled with notes before 
the class even started, and anytime somone would ask something, she'd 
write more. Invariably, the board would be full, except for the high 
areas that were hard for her to reach. The higher she reached, the more 
the guys enjoyed it. At the time, I thought she was blissfully unaware 
(hey, I was 15 at the time, what did I know about women?), nowdays, I'm 
not so sure.

Strolling down the memories of the educational process...

elle wrote:
>> I still remember when even married teachers pregnant with even "legitimate"
>> babies couldn't be in the classroom after they began to "show"; pretty
>> silly.
>>     
>  
> Ben,
>  
> Replacing a teacher in such a situation was how I got my first teaching job in 1970...That  remimnds me that female teachers were not allowed to wear anything other than skirts to school.
>  
> When we moved to Northern Virginia in 1972, our English Dept head had had enough of this nonsence. She was getting old, and that school was chilly in the winter. We had a dept meeting...and several days later,(by prearrangement) in 'solidarity' the English Dept (all 10 or aso of us) came decked out in PANTS! Talk about heresy! Mzzz. B was 'called into the blowhard principal's office (he was a bully)....but she was Mzzz B...! And THAT was THAT!
>  
> elle
>
>
> We can't change the angle of the wind....but we can adjust our sails.
>
> 1992 Rhodes 22 Recyc '06 "WaterMusic" (Lady in Red)
>
> --- On Thu, 12/4/08, Ben Cittadino <bcittadino at dcs-law.com> wrote:
>
> From: Ben Cittadino <bcittadino at dcs-law.com>
> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] Christmas with Louise - humor
> To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
> Date: Thursday, December 4, 2008, 9:49 AM
>
> Herb;
>
> Thanks for "Louise"; I hadn't ever heard that one.
>
> On the education issue, I'm mostly in agreement with you. Here in NJ we
> have
> local elected Boards of Ed who hire and fire, and I think they are bound by
> the same rules as other employers on discrimination issues.
> Back in the fifties, my sixth grade teacher was a flaming "Red" who
> was
> always running for office on the socialist or socialist workers or some such
> party ticket, but he kept it out of the classroom and had a long and
> peaceful career. 
>
> There are still fights over sex ed and school based clinics handing out
> birth control but by and large teachers who follow Bd of Ed approved
> curricula on "good citizenship" topics are not subjected to much
> scrutiny of
> their personal lives outside the classroom. I agree that parents must be
> vigilent and where teachers set a poor example that should be the subject of
> a teaching experience "at home" with our children.
>
> I still remember when even married teachers pregnant with even
> "legitimate"
> babies couldn't be in the classroom after they began to "show";
> pretty
> silly.
>
> Ben C.
>
> hparsons wrote:
>   
>> This isn't mine. Invariably, one (or more) of my friends will send me 
>> this each year (guess that says something about the type of folks I hang 
>> with). I laugh out loud each time I get it, almost like an alzheimer's
>>     
>
>   
>> patient laughing at the same joke over and over. Anyway, it's worth 
>> repeating:
>>
>> =====
>>
>> Christmas With Louise
>>
>> As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his 
>> fireplace before Christmas.  He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill 
>> them.  What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true 
>> because every  Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings
>>     
> were 
>   
>> overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
>>
>> One year I decided to make his dream come true.  I put on sunglasses and 
>> went in search of an inflatable love doll.  They don't sell those
>>     
> things 
>   
>> at Wal-Mart.  I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
>>
>> If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go.  You'll
>>     
> only 
>   
>> confuse  yourself.  I was there an hour saying things like, "What
>>     
> does 
>   
>> this do? You're kidding me!  Who would buy that?"  Finally, I
>>     
> made it to 
>   
>> the inflatable doll section.
>>
>> I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also 
>> substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane 
>> during rush hour.
>>
>> Finding what I wanted was difficult.  Love Dolls come in many different 
>> models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do 
>> things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry.  I settled for 
>> Lovable Louise.  She was at the bottom of the price scale.  To call 
>> Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.
>>
>> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came 
>> to life.
>>
>> My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning 
>> hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling 
>> pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom.  I also ate some
>>     
> cookies 
>   
>> and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.  I went 
>> home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
>>
>> The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his 
>> house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the 
>> dog confused.   She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and 
>> bark some more.
>>
>> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of 
>> the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional 
>> Christmas dinner.
>>
>> My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 
>>     
> "What 
>   
>> the hell is that?" she asked.
>>
>> My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
>>
>> "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
>>
>> I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
>>
>> "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
>>
>> "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her
>>     
> into the 
>   
>> dining room.
>>
>> But Granny was relentless.  "Why doesn't she have any
>>     
> teeth?"
>   
>> Again, I could have answered, but why would I?  It was Christmas and no 
>> one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on
>>     
> Granny, 
>   
>> hang on!"
>>
>> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me 
>> and said,  "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
>>
>> I told him she was Jay's friend.
>>
>> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. 
>> Not just talking, but actually flirting.  It was then that we realized 
>> this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
>>
>> The dinner went well.  We made the usual small talk about who had died, 
>> who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a 
>> noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning.  Then she lurched 
>> from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in 
>> front of the sofa.
>>
>> The cat screamed.  I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa 
>> ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering 
>> mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  My brother fell back over his chair and 
>> wet his pants.
>>
>> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
>>
>> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
>>
>> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to 
>> decide the cause of Louise's collapse.  We discovered that Louise had 
>> suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
>>
>> Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her 
>> to perfect health!
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>>
>>     
>
>   

-- 
Herb Parsons