[Rhodes22-list] Fw: Southern girls

[David Bradley]

Reminds me of a great joke told to me by a Southern Woman.  Sorry if I
mangle it a bit in the retelling...


Southern Woman (to Northern Woman):  Oh my, what a beautiful fur coat!
 Where'd you get that coat at?

Northern Woman:  In New York City.  And where I come from, we don't
end a sentence in a preposition.

Southern Woman:  Oh, well excuse me indeed.  Let me rephrase that.
Where'd you get that coat at, Bitch?




On Sat, Oct 25, 2008 at 11:31 AM, Herb Parsons <hparsons at parsonsys.com> wrote:
> Reminds me of one of my "exchanges" from an episode of Designing Women.
>
> The Della Burke characters was talking to a snooty woman from the
> north.... I'm sure she was a Thinker and Debaters and not at all
> moronic, but the exchange went something like this:
>
> So, what part of the country do you come from? (with the appropriate
> southern drawl)
>
> Well, I come from a part of the country in which we do not end our
> sentences in prepositions. (again, appropriate accent)
>
> Oh .... well let me rephrase that then
> (all done with a beautiful smile)
> What part of the country do you come from, ... bitch?
>
>
> elle wrote:
>> Hope you're enjoying something in this last bunch...
>>
>> elle
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Southern Women
>>
>>> Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
>>> Clean skin.
>>> A winning smile.
>>> That unforgettable Southern drawl.
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their manners:
>>> 'Yes, ma'am.'
>>> 'Yes, sir.'
>>> 'Why, no, Billy!'
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
>>> 'Y'all come back!'
>>> 'Well, bless your heart.'
>>> 'Drop by when you can.'
>>> 'How's your Momma?'
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their summer weather report:
>>> Humidity
>>> Humidity
>>> Humidity
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their vacation spots:
>>> The beach
>>> The rivuh
>>> The crick
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
>>> Colorful hi-heel sandals
>>> Strapless sun dresses
>>> Iced sweet tea with mint
>>> Straw hats and big sunglasses
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know everybody's first name:
>>> Honey
>>> Darlin'
>>> Shugah
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
>>> Fried Green Tomatoes
>>> Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
>>> Steel Magnolias
>>> Gone With The Wind
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their religions:
>>> Baptist
>>> Methodist
>>> Football
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their country breakfasts:
>>> Red-eye gravy
>>> Grits
>>> Eggs
>>> Country ham
>>> Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
>>> Chawl'stn
>>> S'vanah
>>> Foat Wuth
>>> N'awlins
>>> Addlanna
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
>>> Men in uniform.
>>> Men in tuxedos
>>> Rhett Butler
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern girls know their prime real estate:
>>> The Mall
>>> The Country Club
>>> The Beauty Salon
>>>
>>>
>>> Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
>>> Having bad hair and nails
>>> Having bad manners
>>> Cooking bad food
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> More Suth en-ism's:
>>> Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
>>> _____
>>> Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
>>> _____
>>> Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.'
>>> _____
>>> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
>>> _____
>>> Even Southern babies know that'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
>>> _____
>>> All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
>>> _____
>>> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor whose got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's
>>> trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
>>> _____
>>> Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
>>> _____
>>> Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
>>> _____
>>> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
>>> _____
>>> A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
>>> _____
>>> Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, . and when we're 'in line,' we talk to everybody!
>>> _____
>>> Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
>>> _____
>>> In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
>>> _____
>>> Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
>>> _____
>>> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
>>> _____
>>> When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
>>> _____
>>> Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,''sweet milk,' and 'light bread'  Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.  And 'Light bread' is white bread.
>>> _____
>>> And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' .. and go your own way.
>>> _____
>>> To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernes s: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
>>> _____
>>> And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
>>> _____
>>> And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'
>>>
>>
>>
>>> Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
>>>
>>
>>
>>> Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
>>>
>>
>>
>>> If you're a Northern
>>> transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
>>> We know you got here as fast as you could.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>> HSA 8
>> You don't get much--but it's free!
>>
>>
>>
>>
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-- 
David Bradley
+1.206.234.3977
dwbrad at gmail.com