[Rhodes22-list] Fw: Southern girls

[Herb Parsons]

Reminds me of one of my "exchanges" from an episode of Designing Women.

The Della Burke characters was talking to a snooty woman from the 
north.... I'm sure she was a Thinker and Debaters and not at all 
moronic, but the exchange went something like this:

So, what part of the country do you come from? (with the appropriate 
southern drawl)

Well, I come from a part of the country in which we do not end our 
sentences in prepositions. (again, appropriate accent)

Oh .... well let me rephrase that then
(all done with a beautiful smile)
What part of the country do you come from, ... bitch?


elle wrote:
> Hope you're enjoying something in this last bunch...
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> Southern Women 
>   
>> Southern women appreciate their natural assets: 
>> Clean skin. 
>> A winning smile. 
>> That unforgettable Southern drawl. 
>>
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>> Southern women know their manners: 
>> 'Yes, ma'am.' 
>> 'Yes, sir.' 
>> 'Why, no, Billy!' 
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>> Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : 
>> 'Y'all come back!' 
>> 'Well, bless your heart.' 
>> 'Drop by when you can.' 
>> 'How's your Momma?' 
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>> Southern women know their summer weather report: 
>> Humidity 
>> Humidity 
>> Humidity 
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>> Southern women know their vacation spots: 
>> The beach 
>> The rivuh 
>> The crick 
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>> Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: 
>> Colorful hi-heel sandals 
>> Strapless sun dresses 
>> Iced sweet tea with mint 
>> Straw hats and big sunglasses 
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>> Southern women know everybody's first name: 
>> Honey 
>> Darlin' 
>> Shugah 
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>> Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: 
>> Fried Green Tomatoes 
>> Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood 
>> Steel Magnolias 
>> Gone With The Wind 
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>> Southern women know their religions: 
>> Baptist 
>> Methodist 
>> Football 
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>> Southern women know their country breakfasts: 
>> Red-eye gravy 
>> Grits 
>> Eggs 
>> Country ham 
>> Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly 
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>> Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: 
>> Chawl'stn 
>> S'vanah 
>> Foat Wuth 
>> N'awlins 
>> Addlanna 
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>> Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: 
>> Men in uniform. 
>> Men in tuxedos 
>> Rhett Butler 
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>> Southern girls know their prime real estate: 
>> The Mall 
>> The Country Club 
>> The Beauty Salon 
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>> Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: 
>> Having bad hair and nails 
>> Having bad manners 
>> Cooking bad food 
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>> More Suth en-ism's: 
>> Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them. 
>> _____ 
>> Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.' 
>> _____ 
>> Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.' 
>> _____ 
>> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.' 
>> _____ 
>> Even Southern babies know that'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. 
>> _____ 
>> All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. 
>> _____ 
>> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor whose got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's 
>> trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! 
>> _____ 
>> Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20. 
>> _____ 
>> Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 
>> _____ 
>> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 
>> _____ 
>> A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. 
>> _____ 
>> Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, . and when we're 'in line,' we talk to everybody! 
>> _____ 
>> Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. 
>> _____ 
>> In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. 
>> _____ 
>> Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 
>> _____ 
>> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. 
>> _____ 
>> When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! 
>> _____ 
>> Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,''sweet milk,' and 'light bread'  Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.  And 'Light bread' is white bread. 
>> _____ 
>> And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' .. and go your own way. 
>> _____ 
>> To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernes s: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! 
>> _____ 
>> And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! 
>> _____ 
>> And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.' 
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>> Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah ! 
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>> Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! 
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>> If you're a Northern 
>> transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. 
>> We know you got here as fast as you could. 
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> HSA 8
> You don't get much--but it's free!
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