[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Herb Parsons]

Michael,

You know what....I'm in management, my wife used to be in management, & 
2 of my kids are in management.

I find that joke very offensive.

michael meltzer wrote:
> Management Course
>
>  
>
> Lesson 1: 
>
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
>  
>
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she
> opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
>
>  
>
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
>
>  
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
> front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. 
>
>  
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. 
>
>  
>
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 
>
>  
>
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies. 
>
>  
>
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' 
>
>  
>
> Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
> and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> avoidable exposure. 
>
>  
>
>  
>
> Lesson 2: 
>
> A pastor offered the church organ player a lift. 
>
>  
>
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. 
>
>  
>
> The pastor nearly had an accident. 
>
>  
>
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 
>
>  
>
> The organist said, 'Remember Psalm 129?' 
>
>  
>
> The pastor removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
> her leg again.
>
>  
>
> The organist once again said, 'Remember Psalm 129?' 
>
>  
>
> The pastor apologized 'Sorry, but the flesh is weak.' 
>
>  
>
> Arriving at the destination, the organist sighed heavily and went on her
> way. 
>
>  
>
> On his arrival at the church, the pastor rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
> said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
>  
>
> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
> a great opportunity. 
>
>  
>
> Lesson 3: 
>
> A TTA, an Administration Clerk, and the Manager are walking to lunch when
> they find an antique oil lamp.
>
>  
>
> They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you
> just one wish.' 
>
>  
>
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
> driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' 
>
>  
>
> Puff! She's gone. 
>
>  
>
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the TTA. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
> beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
> love of my life.' 
>
>  
>
> Puff! He's gone. 
>
>  
>
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. 
>
>  
>
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' 
>
>  
>
> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. 
>
>  
>
> Lesson 4 
>
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. 
>
>  
>
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
> nothing?'
>
>  
>
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
>  
>
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
>  
>
> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
> very, very high up. 
>
>  
>
> Lesson 5 
>
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the
> top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>
>  
>
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
> They're packed with nutrients.'
>
>  
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
> strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>
>  
>
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>
>  
>
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
> the tree.
>
>  
>
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 
>
>  
>
> Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
> you there.. 
>
>  
>
> Lesson 6 
>
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
> and fell to the ground into a large field. 
>
>  
>
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. 
>
>  
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
> how warm he was. 
>
>  
>
> The dung was actually thawing him out! 
>
>  
>
> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing
> cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. 
>
>  
>
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
> and promptly dug him out and ate him. 
>
>  
>
> Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)
> Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in
> deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! 
>
>  
>
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>
>  
>
>  
>
> --
>
> The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment:
>
>  
>
> Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.
>
>  
>
> Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.
>
>  
>
> Fact: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
>
>  
>
> Fact: 1 lonely bugger is reading emails. Hang in there sunshine!
>
>  
>
>  
>
> --
>
> It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked
> their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
>
>  
>
> Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
> secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was
> going to be like. 
>
>  
>
> Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
> indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
> firewood to be prepared.
>
>  
>
> But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went
> to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the
> coming winter going to be cold ?'
>
>  
>
> 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at
> the weather service responded.
>
>  
>
> So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
> firewood in order to be prepared
>
>  
>
> A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still
> look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 
>
>  
>
> 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be
> a very cold winter.' 
>
>  
>
> The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
> scrap of firewood they could find.
>
>  
>
> Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are
> you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
>
>  
>
>  'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
> to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
>
>  
>
> 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. 
>
>  
>
> The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
>
>  
>
> Always remember this whenever you get advice from a government official!
>
>  
>
>  
>
> --
>
>  
>
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