[Rhodes22-list] Veterans Day 2009

[Leland]

Mike,

Excellent post, especially since I'm at work.

Obviously I'm not working too hard.

Thanks!

Lee
1986 Rhodes22  At Ease
Kent Island, MD



R22MikeW wrote:
> 
> I am forwarding this to the Rhodes 22 list as a service to all veterans on 
> their day from an old friend (on another old friend's list-Sweetwater 
> Gazette).
> 
> Note to Big Al ... nevermind
> 
> Mike
> s/v Shanghai'd Summer ('81)
> Nissequogue River, NY
> 
> From: "Brad Haslett"  Wednesday, November 11, 2009 12:55 PM
> Subject: [Swiftwater Gazette] Veterans Day
> 
> 
>>From the late, great Mike Royko (circa 1993) -
> 
> ***
> 
> I just phoned six friends and asked them what they will be doing on
> Monday.
> 
> They all said the same thing: working.
> 
> Me, too.
> 
> There is something else we share. We are all military veterans.
> 
> And there is a third thing we have in common. We are not employees of
> the federal government, state government, county government, municipal
> government, the Postal Service, the courts, banks, or S & Ls, and we
> don’t teach school.
> 
> If we did, we would be among the many millions of people who will
> spend Monday goofing off.
> 
> Which is why it is about time Congress revised the ridiculous terms of
> Veterans Day as a national holiday.
> 
> The purpose of Veterans Day is to honor all veterans.
> 
> So how does this country honor them?
> 
> By letting the veterans, the majority of whom work in the private
> sector, spend the day at their jobs so they can pay taxes that permit
> millions of non-veterans to get paid for doing nothing.
> 
> As my friend Harry put it:
> 
> "First I went through basic training. Then infantry school. Then I got
> on a crowded, stinking troop ship that took 23 days to get from San
> Francisco to Japan. We went through a storm that had 90 percent of the
> guys on the ship throwing up for a week.
> 
> "Then I rode a beat-up transport plane from Japan to Korea, and it
> almost went down in the drink. I think the pilot was drunk.
> 
> "When I got to Korea, I was lucky. The war ended seven months after I
> got there, and I didn’t kill anybody and nobody killed me.
> 
> "But it was still a miserable experience. Then when my tour was over,
> I got on another troop ship and it took 21 stinking days to cross the
> Pacific.
> 
> "When I got home on leave, one of the older guys at the neighborhood
> bar — he was a World War II vet — told me I was a ----head because we
> didn’t win, we only got a tie.
> 
> "So now on Veterans Day I get up in the morning and go down to the
> office and work.
> 
> "You know what my nephew does? He sleeps in. That’s because he works
> for the state.
> 
> "And do you know what he did during the Vietnam War? He ducked the
> draft by getting a job teaching at an inner-city school.
> 
> "Now, is that a raw deal or what?"
> 
> Of course that’s a raw deal. So I propose that the members of Congress
> revise Veterans Day to provide the following:
> 
> - All veterans — and only veterans — should have the day off from
> work. It doesn’t matter if they were combat heroes or stateside
> clerk-typists.
> 
> Anybody who went through basic training and was awakened before dawn
> by a red-neck drill sergeant who bellowed: "Drop your whatsis and grab
> your socks and fall out on the road," is entitled.
> 
> - Those veterans who wish to march in parades, make speeches or listen
> to speeches can do so. But for those who don’t, all local gambling
> laws should be suspended for the day to permit vets to gather in
> taverns, pull a couple of tables together and spend the day playing
> poker, blackjack, craps, drinking and telling lewd lies about lewd
> experiences with lewd women. All bar prices should be rolled back to
> enlisted men’s club prices, Officers can pay the going rate, the
> stiffs.
> 
> - All anti-smoking laws will be suspended for Veterans Day. The same
> hold for all misdemeanor laws pertaining to disorderly conduct,
> non-felonious brawling, leering, gawking and any other gross and
> disgusting public behavior that does not harm another individual.
> 
> - It will be a treasonable offense for any spouse or live-in
> girlfriend (or boyfriend, if it applies) to utter the dreaded words:
> "What time will you be home tonight?"
> 
> - Anyone caught posing as a veteran will be required to eat a triple
> portion of chipped beef on toast, with Spam on the side, and spend the
> day watching a chaplain present a color-slide presentation on the
> horrors of VD.
> 
> - Regardless of how high his office, no politician who had the
> opportunity to serve in the military, but didn’t, will be allowed to
> make a patriotic speech, appear on TV, or poke his nose out of his
> office for the entire day.
> 
> Any politician who defies this ban will be required to spend 12 hours
> wearing headphones and listening to tapes of President Clinton
> explaining his deferments.
> 
> Now, deal the cards and pass the tequila.
> 
> - Mike Royko
> 
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