[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two
black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. 

 

Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you? 

 

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult
hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them
and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white
at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was
a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the
cow's ass. 

 

"Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like
yours!'

 

"I don't remember anyting after that ..."

 

 

--

It's an actual TV ad running in Britain - certainly not anything you would
see on Canadian or American television... 

 

http://attitude.adforum.com/top5/2009/04/28/wilkinson-sword-mow-the-lawn-jwt
-new-york/

 

 

--

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest
sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" 

 

"Of course, child, what may I do for you?" 

 

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday
that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for
me...under your robe, perhaps?"

 

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you...I will not lie."

 

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

 

When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

 

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

 

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to
declare from your waist to the floor?"

 

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is,
to date ... unused."

 

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.. Next!"

 

 

--

http://attitude.adforum.com/top5/2009/09/16/bud-light-lime-in-the-can-ddb-ch
icago/