[Rhodes22-list] Canadian olympic humor.

[r22rumrunner at aol.com]

>  Now that Vancouver will be 
hosting  the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from 
all over the world are asking.  Believe it  or not these questions 
about Canada  were posted on an International 
Tourism 
Website.  Obviously the  answers are a joke; but the  
questions were really  asked!

Q: I have never seen it 
warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England 
)
A.  We import all plants fully grown  and then just sit 
around and watch  them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears 
in the street?   ( France ) 
A:   Depends on how 
much you've been  drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver 
to  Toronto - can I follow the Railroad 
tracks?   ( Sweden )
A:   Sure,  it's 
only Four thousand miles, take  lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to 
run around in the bushes in Canada ?    ( Sweden 
)
A:  So it's true what they say about  Swedes.

Q:  
Are there any  ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ?  Can you 
send  me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver ,   Edmonton 
and Halifax ?  (England  )
A:  No, but you'd better bring 
a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some  
information about hippo racing in  Canada ?  (Norway )
A:  
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.   
Ca-na-da is that big country to your  North...oh forget it. Sure, the 
hippo  racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary  Come 
naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ?   (Italy 
)
A:  Face south and  then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you 
get here and we'll send the rest of 
the directions. 


Q:  Can I bring cutlery into Canada  ? ( England 
)
A:  Why? Just  use your fingers like we do.

Q:  
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?  ( USA )  

A:   Aus-t ri-a is that  quaint little country 
bordering  Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna 
Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in  Vancouver  and in Calgary 
, straight after the  hippo races. Come naked.

Q:  Do you 
have perfume in Canada ?  ( Germany )
A:  No, WE  don't 
stink.

Q:  I have  developed a new product that is the 
fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( France 
)
A:  Anywhere significant numbers of  Americans 
gather.

Q:  Can  you tell me the regions in British 
Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male 
population?  ( Italy ) 
A:  Yes,  gay 
nightclubs.

Q:  Do  you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada 
?  ( USA )
A:  Only at Thanksgiving.

Q:  Are  
there supermarkets in Toronto and is  milk available all year  
round?  ( Germany )
A:  No, we are a peaceful civilization of 
Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is  illegal.

Q:  I have a 
question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's  
a kind of big horse
> with  horns. ( Germany )
A:  It's 
called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of  
anyone walking close to them. You can  scare them off by spraying 
yourself  with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:  
Will I be able to speak English most places I  go?   ( 
USA ) 
A:   Yes, but you will have to learn it 
first.
>
> Please  send this on to any Canadian (or  
others) who you think will enjoy it  as much as I  
did.