[Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
G & D Barrera
rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Thu, 8 Aug 2002 21:04:07 -0500
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Bill
Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs.=20
As in the famous blues tune:
"My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X
"Im gona git that train".
Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, no good, =
toothless, etc.
Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with a "II" =
or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.
Just my opinion.
Glen
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Bill Effros=20
To: R22 List=20
Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues. Unless you
stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with
the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face =
in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in =
a
ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any kind.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. =
Jet
aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to
die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough =
to
get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any =
place
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still =
the
best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place
that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with =
male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not
the blues. Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The =
lighting
is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people
also got a leg up on the blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey
or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and Heather can't
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
Lame,etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,
Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,
Fillmore, etc.)
For example:
Blind Lime Jefferson,
Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you =
cannot
sing the blues.
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<DIV>Bill</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs. </DIV>
<DIV>As in the famous blues tune:</DIV>
<DIV>"My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X</DIV>
<DIV>"Im gona git that train".</DIV>
<DIV> Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, =
no=20
good, toothless, etc.</DIV>
<DIV>Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name =
with a "II"=20
or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.</DIV>
<DIV>Just my opinion.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Glen</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE dir=3Dltr=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
<A title=3Dbill@effros.com href=3D"mailto:bill@effros.com">Bill =
Effros</A> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3Drhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
href=3D"mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org">R22 List</A> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Thursday, August 08, 2002 =
11:10=20
AM</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> [Rhodes22-list] How to =
Sing The=20
Blues -- Joke</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial><FONT face=3D"Times New Roman">1. Most Blues =
begin, "Woke=20
up this morning..."<BR><BR>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to =
begin the=20
Blues. Unless you<BR>stick something nasty in the next line =
like, "I got=20
a good woman, with<BR>the meanest face in town."<BR><BR>3. The Blues =
is=20
simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.<BR>Then find =
something=20
that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the<BR>meanest face in=20
town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face =
in<BR>town. =20
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."<BR><BR>4. =
The=20
Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in=20
a<BR>ditch--ain't no way out.<BR><BR>5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, =
Cadillacs=20
and broken-down trucks. Blues<BR>don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, =
or Sport=20
Utility Vehicles of any kind.<BR>Most Blues transportation is a =
Greyhound bus=20
or a southbound train. Jet<BR>aircraft and state-sponsored motor =
pools=20
ain't even in the running.<BR>Walkin' plays a major part in the blues=20
lifestyle. So does fixin' to<BR>die.<BR><BR>6. Teenagers can't =
sing the=20
Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.<BR>Adults sing the =
Blues. In=20
Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to<BR>get the electric chair =
if you=20
shoot a man in Memphis.<BR><BR>7. Blues can take place in New York =
City but=20
not in Hawaii or any place<BR>in Canada. Hard times in =
Minneapolis or=20
Seattle is probably just<BR>clinical depression. Chicago, St. =
Louis, and=20
Kansas City are still the<BR>best places to have the Blues. You =
cannot=20
have the blues in any place<BR>that don't get rain.<BR><BR>8. A man =
with male=20
pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male<BR>pattern =
baldness=20
is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not<BR>the =
blues. =20
Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.<BR><BR>9. You can't =
have no=20
Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting<BR>is =
wrong. Go=20
outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.<BR><BR>10. Good =
places for=20
the Blues:<BR>a. highway<BR>b. jailhouse<BR>c. empty bed<BR>d. bottom =
of a=20
whiskey glass<BR><BR>11. Bad places for the Blues:<BR>a. =
Nordstrom's<BR>b.=20
gallery openings<BR>c. Ivy League institutions<BR>d. golf =
courses<BR><BR>12.=20
No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less =
you<BR>happen to=20
be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.<BR><BR>13. Do you have =
the right=20
to sing the Blues?<BR>Yes, if:<BR>a. you older than dirt<BR>b. you =
blind<BR>c.=20
you shot a man in Memphis<BR>d. you can't be satisfied<BR><BR>No, =
if:<BR>a.=20
you have all your teeth<BR>b. you were once blind but now can =
see<BR>c. the=20
man in Memphis lived<BR>d. you have a 401K or trust fund<BR><BR>14. =
Blues is=20
not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. =
Tiger<BR>Woods=20
cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white=20
people<BR>also got a leg up on the blues.<BR><BR>15. If you ask for =
water and=20
your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the<BR>Blues. Other =
acceptable=20
Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey<BR>or bourbon c. muddy =
water d.=20
nasty black coffee<BR><BR>The following are NOT Blues beverages:<BR>a. =
Perrier<BR>b. Chardonnay<BR>c. Snapple<BR>d. Slim Fast<BR><BR>16. If =
death=20
occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a =
Blues<BR>death. =20
Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to<BR>die. =
So is=20
the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a<BR>broken =
down=20
cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a<BR>tennis =
match or=20
while getting liposuction.<BR><BR>17. Some Blues names for =
women:<BR>a.=20
Sadie<BR>b. Big Mama<BR>c. Bessie<BR>d. Fat River Dumpling<BR><BR>18. =
Some=20
Blues names for men:<BR>a. Joe<BR>b. Willie<BR>c. Little Willie<BR>d. =
Big=20
Willie<BR><BR>19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and =
Heather=20
can't<BR>sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in=20
Memphis.<BR><BR>20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:<BR>a. name =
of=20
physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,<BR>Lame,etc.)<BR>b. first name =
(see above)=20
plus name of fruit (Lemon,<BR>Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of =
President=20
(Jefferson, Johnson,<BR>Fillmore, etc.)<BR><BR>For example:<BR>Blind =
Lime=20
Jefferson,<BR>Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or<BR>Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, =
etc. =20
(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")<BR><BR>21. I don't care how tragic your =
life: if you=20
own a computer, you cannot<BR>sing the=20
blues.</FONT><BR><BR></FONT></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>
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