[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Alex Bell]

1. The Coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders.
The 
only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all
the 
colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer
quarterback 
who could ensure a Super Bowl win. 

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan, 
in one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghanistan soldier
with a 
truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 3rd-story
window 
200 yards away, ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of
10 
soldiers 100 yards away, ka-blooey! Then a car passed,going 90 mph,
bulls-eye!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect
arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football, and 
the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl for another time in history.

The young Afghani is hailed as the Great Hero of football, and when
Coach asks 
him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You
are not 
my son."

"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just
won the 
greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring 
fans."

"No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there
are 
gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
brothers 
were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your
sister 
was raped in broad daylight." The old lady pauses, and then tearfully
says, "I'll 
never forgive you for making us move to Oakland."



2. A Raiders fan, a Steelers fan and a NY Jets fan were all in Saudi
Arabia, 
sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed
in and 
arrested them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the 
terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were 
sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very
good 
lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to
life 
imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial
finished, 
and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after 
receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said,
"It's my 
first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you
one wish 
before your whipping."

The Steelers fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he
thought about 
this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This
was done, 
but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The 
Steelers fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when
the 
punishment was done.

The Jets fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by
himself), and 
after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my
back." 
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went
through 
again, sending the Jets fan out crying like a little girl.

The Raiders fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but
before 
he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support
the 
greatest team in the world, your supporters are some of the best and
most loyal 
football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

"Thanks, your most Royal Highness," the Raiders fan replied . "In
recognition 
of your  indness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100
lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very 
brave," the Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes
is what 
you desire, then so be it.And your second wish? What is it to be?" the
Sheik 
asked.

"Tie the Jets fan to my back."