[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

Can you hit the apple? (It's actually more fun when you miss!!)

 

http://crass.on.ru/flash/aaa-1.html

 

 

--

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a
tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside. 

 

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the
bar: 

 

COLD BEER: $2.00 

 

HAMBURGER: $2.25 

 

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 

 

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50 

 

HAND JOB: $50.00 

 

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker
walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female
bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. 

 

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. 

 

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?" 

 

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers,
"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" 

 

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure
am". 

 

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,
wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

 

 

--

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

 

(1)   Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

 

(2)   Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

(3)   Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end
in 'fine'.

 

(4)   Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

(5)   Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 

(6)   That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake..

 

(7)   Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she
says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at
all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

 

(8)   Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

 

(9)   Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.